Ask Lauren Fleshman | The Evolution of A Dream

June 25, 2012

The Evolution of A Dream

Background: Last summer I finished 7^th at the World Championships in the 5k, tying the highest finish ever by an American, becoming a favorite to make the 2012 Olympic Team. I’m 30, and have qualified for three previous Olympic Trials without making it.

This is a little view into my world this year, told in brief snapshots from the 24^th of every month between Worlds last September and today. This year I hoped to write a story that featured the flawless preparation and rock hard confidence of a woman on a mission, concluding, of course, on the medal stand in London with a tearful National Anthem and lots of medal-biting in photos. What I have is an unfinished story of chasing a dream, of adaptation, of being stretched and pulled. This is a story about rewriting the story in response to life, one ridiculous month at a time.

The Evolution of a Dream

September 24^th: Right after finishing 7^th in the World

Only four more places and I can get an Olympic Medal! All I need is strength. I can’t wait to get home and train for the NY marathon so I can be stronger for next year! This is my year baby! Whoop whoop!

October 24^th: 2 weeks before NY Marathon

Holy crap my knee has stabbing pain, but I’m in the best shape of my life so I’ll go to NY and do my best and then heal up and train for the Olympic Trials so I can kick ass in London! Yeah!

November 24^th: The end of my season break.

Day one of training for the Olympics? That’s right, I’m gonna kill it! I’m a beast! Oh wait my knee still doesn’t work. Shit. It’s IT Band syndrome. Ummm…rest alone isn’t going to heal this one. Ok, let’s revise the plan and take more time off running and do aggressive rehab! And then I’ll train hard and be extra rested and kick ass in London. Yeah!

December 24^th: Six months before the Olympic Trials

I’m out of running shape but I’m SUPER strong from rehab and all this massage is going to keep me as loose as a goose! Flexibility…check! There’s still plenty of time. Weaknesses are basically gone but stuck at 25 miles a week. Cortisone injection will put me over the top and I can train hard for six months and kick ass in London. Yeah! Keep it positive!

January 24^th: Rain, rain, rain.

WTF. I’m freaking out here. Why can’t I just have one season where I can train for the whole time?! Whaaaahhh! This was supposed to be my flawless year. Don’t I deserve it? I’m doing everything in my power and still can’t get over the hump with this knee! Damn it Fleshman! Get a hold of yourself. Nobody “deserves” anything. You trained an abbreviated season last year. You’ll just have to do it again, but this year you are stronger. Focus on the now. Now I need Kleenex. F&%*. The box is empty.

February 24^th: Slipping away

Gotta adjust the plan. Let go of the Olympic Medal; let’s just try to squeeze by and make the team. I can’t run now but I can do this. Just put my head down and cross train hard and stay fit and then I’ll come back running and get in shape for the trials and make that damn team. Ok cross training plan…Can’t aqua jog. Can’t bike. Thank God ElliptiGo doesn’t hurt or I’ll have to resort to swimming full time!

March 24^th: 12 weeks to go. In Phoenix for treatment on IT Band.

Now ElliptiGo hurts. I can’t believe this. Did someone just punch me in the stomach? Damn you IT Band. Looks like it’s swim or perish (I stare at pool for indefinite amount of time) ARGH! Why can’t I just quit?! Just go get some fancy goggles, Jesse’s lucky swim cap, a fast Nike two-piece and try not to think about it. People do this all the time. Swimming is a thing. Do it.

April 24^th: 8 weeks remaining. After a few weeks in Phoenix seeing Dr. John Ball.

Halelujah! Can’t run slow but I can sprint pain free. Time to start sprinting! It feels so good to run, even if it’s for one minute at a time with walk breaks! Surely this means my knee will be better any day now. Any day. Not much time to get ready for the trials, but eight weeks isn’t impossible, especially once I’m able to start doing easy runs. Any day now.

May 24^th: Four weeks left.

I can ElliptiGo and bike again, but still can’t just go out for an easy run or warmup jog before a workout. If I decide to go through with this, I’ll definitely be the only chick at the Trials power-walking her warmup! Ha! Ugh. Really? Ok.

Every three days I hit the track and it’s basically all out, and the other days I cross train. Can someone really run the Olympic Trials off 10 miles a week? Training manuals have long ago been thrown out the window here. What the f%!* am I doing?! What’s the point? Am I only doing this because of momentum? Being positive and being delusional are two different things. This has to be about more than the Olympics or there is no point racing. Is there more to the Olympic Trials than the Olympics?

June 24^th: The day before the 5k prelim at the Olympic Trials:

I’m still here. My spikes are loaded. My Nike uniform packed. The harder you grab onto sand, the faster it falls through your fingers. Relax the grip. I’m still here. I’m racing. Why?

Because I can.

Because it’s on my home track.

Because I want to see how the story turns out.

Because there is no reason this can’t be really fun.

Because I want to set the world record for fastest 5k on least weekly mileage.

When you recognize that failing doesn’t make you a Failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things. 🙂

C for Courage, ya’ll. Put it up!

Thanks to everyone for the support on ALF, twitter, facebook, email…this year had high potential to be a shit sandwich without you, but strangely, it’s been pretty awesome.

XO Lauren

114 comments on “The Evolution of A Dream”

Nishad on June 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm said:

Good luck – keeping my fingers crossed for you! If there is anything like “deserving” then you definitely “deserve” it.

Give it all!
Mo on June 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm said:

C
F Yeah! Live it up and have some fun out there!:)
Marie on June 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm said:

You’re my hero!
Sarah Rock on June 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm said:

Keep digging girl! You are an inspiration and a light! Good luck! Know that your heart is in it all the way and that is enough. Our bodies don’t always do what our minds know we can do or want to do. I believe in you, and you light something in me that keeps me pounding out the miles. I love running and that is enough, I will never be world class, that’s all you girl, but I am good enough, and I am happy to have the strength to run and push others to push their limits. Go get ’em! I’ll be watching for you in London!
Meggie on June 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm said:

You have more cajones (sp?) than the rest of us. I would’ve quit in Jan. Hell, I had to shell out major moolah to pay for crazy-will-make-you-love-life-with-grapefruit-candle-but-will-charge-you-$32-a-class spin classes to get through my ITBS and that was only 4 months.

I think this has the potential to be a really good story and can’t wait to see how it plays out tonight.

And, regardless, you’ve shown us all the value in adjusting the coordinates even when you don’t want to and finding some sort of joy even when things may not go the way you dreamed.

Go get ’em!
- jay on June 26, 2012 at 8:22 am said:
  
  Meggie,
  What was your trick that made it go away? I’m on month three and starting to lose my cool!
  jay
  - Meggie on June 26, 2012 at 9:16 am said:
    
    Largely, I think I got lucky or something. Or I just exhausted all the medical options in NYC and the injury Gods felt sorry for me. I did it all – massage, ART, acupuncture, cupping (seriously), PT on top of a good dose of feeling sorry for myself and swearing I was quitting running.
    
    Anyways, what I did in list form:
    1) Sports Med MD to get referral to PT –> did PT for 8 weeks
    2) Saw John Ball in AZ while I was there for vacation, just 2x, but he worked some magic and got me back running a little bit
    3) Ran too much, reaggravated stuff (glute medius tendinosis), don’t do that, come back really slowly, like start with 2 min of running and take lots of walk breaks when you do get back to running
    4) acupuncture and chiropractor – acupuncture before the adjustment bc the acupuncture helped the muscles relax and such so the adjustment was easier
    5) massage
    6) foam rolling, icing – every night for 20 min on SI Joint and outer hip
    7) finding a new hobby (spinning) so I didn’t go crazy
    
    I’d recommend acupuncture + chiropractor. My pelvis was all out of whack and my legs were different lengths (due to muscle imbalances, not anatomical) and one hemi pelvis was rotated posteriorly with respect to the other — so adjustments ended up helping me in the end. The naps during acupuncture probably didn’t hurt either.
    
    I’d start there to get realigned and what not if you need and then after do PT exercises (clam shells, etc) – you wouldn’t want to strengthen muscles around a skeleton that is not in place. Keep a journal so you know what your injury tip offs are. For example, when my adductor starts to hurt, it usually stems from my SI Joint being out of whack.
    
    Finally, either keep your knee fully extended or fully bent. The mid-ground of flexion is bad for the IT band or so people tell me.
    
    That’s be my plan of action.
    
    Good luck! Hope that helps! Be patient, too! (easier said than done)
    - jay on June 26, 2012 at 9:40 am said:
      
      This is great info Meggie. Discouraging and encouraging at the same time if that makes sense. I am also in NYC and running out specialists. I have an ortho who specializes in runners, a chiropractor, acupuncture for athletes and great PT. The pain goes away for awhile and then comes back. I was cross-training like a maniac (pool, elliptical. I had even worked my way up to Alter g) when all of the sudden it came back. I am just wrapping up a week of doing absolutely nothing but stretching and core, but it hasn’t done me any good and I think I am going insane in this sedentary state.
      
      That is great advice on the journal. I have made so many mental notes, I can’t keep track. I am already missing the entire NYRR season. I really don’t want to miss my fall marathon. Hope you are well on the road to recovery and thanks so much for sharing!
      
      Jay
      - Meggie on June 26, 2012 at 10:27 am said:
        
        Try a massage therapist ( I got to David Niles) and give SoulCycle a whirl. Give it 3 times (at first, you may think it’s a little weird). It helped me tremendously and is pretty tiring. I started looking forward to it, almost as much as running. I still go sometimes even though I can run now. My fave instructors are Danny, Charlee, Lauren, Jolie, Madison, Ben T, and Nick (although much depends on the energy of the entire class and I’ve never had a bad ride there). SoulCycle kept me in pretty good shape, too. Getting back into running wasn’t too horrible. It didn’t hurt my IT band, either. If SoulCycle isn’t your thing, then try FlyWheel (similar to Soul, but less into the “yoga” type mindset that Soul can have). In Jan and Feb, I was dropping major dough on SoulCycle, but it was worth every penny I spent. Seriously. Completely changed my outlook and how I felt. It’s sort of like an exorcism, too, somtimes, which was therapeautic when I couldn’t run, although I spent a majority of my time in Soul visualizing running.
        
        Try it. Hope you like it!
Neil on June 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm said:

You are definitely creating a new training manual.

‘CC’ for Creative Courage!

I will be cheering for your goal of setting the world record for fastest 5k on least weekly mileage.

Blessings to you.
Meghan on June 25, 2012 at 3:35 pm said:

GOOOOOOOD LUCK! I’ve been following your progress since you kicked @ss at the NY Marathon. I will be rooting for you from the East Coast.
Monica on June 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm said:

Lauren you are a Fighter and you have the Courage of a Lion. The race tonight is not going to define who you are but it is going to show the entire world how fighters will never give up on their dreams. You were born a champion!
Lauren @ Sassy Molassy on June 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm said:

Well said, Fleshman. Go get it!
Laurel on June 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm said:

The mom in me wants to give you a big hug and say “it’s gonna be ok, honey”. The athlete in me wants to cry just a bit at the frustration because I can (sort of) relate (in a very small way). The admirer in me wants to jump up and down in the stands, scream and yell and support you through sheer mental crazy-fan vibes! Since I can do none of the above, I’ll send up some prayers, stand outside the track watching the screens and throw up two big C’s in your honor. Best wishes, Lauren!!!
Ashley on June 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm said:

C!
You are an amazing role model! Can’t wait to watch tonight!
sandra on June 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm said:

Lauren you are a winner in the race called life.Run your race knowing and revelling in the fact that you have this opportunity to run
.Feel the adrenalin,the crowd and the support of all athletes, who salute you for your athleticism ,courage and humanity.
My prayers are with you.
Jessica on June 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm said:

Such an inspiration! Holding my “C” strong tonight! Good luck!!!
Kevin on June 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm said:

Sending best wishes your way! You are an amazing writer and runner.
Meg on June 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm said:

Good luck! You don’t need that leg anyway because you run with your balls 🙂 ! You’ve got this!
Shira on June 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm said:

Lauren,

My little boy and I will be watching you here in CT, praying for your strength and good health. Know that whatever happens tonight, you will continue to be a hero for us.

Namaste,

Shira and Tobey
Susan Loken on June 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm said:

Lauren,

You have strength that gives you courage to prevail over fear!

You have heart that gives you courage to never give up on your dream!

You have spirit that gives you courage to give it all you have!

I believe the name Lauren Fleshman is right behind the world COURAGE in the dictionary!

Most races are won by the person with more heart. That’s YOU!!!

xoxo, S Loken
marian on June 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm said:

lauren, you are amazing.
go do it!
sending you speedy thoughts!!!
Mollie on June 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm said:

All of us ladies on the Oiselle Team are rooting for you Lauren! I think it’s awesome that you are purposefully making the Trials a positive memory instead of worrying about the “what ifs”. I hope you feel the energy of the crowd at Hayward tonight (and from those of us following on Twitter, etc.) and that it moves you to do something special. Best of luck!
Bob on June 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm said:

If you feel light on your feet tonight, it’s because I’m sending you positive energy from Ohio. Of course, there might be a few other people doing the same 🙂

GOOOOOOOOO LAUREN!!!!!!!!!!
Lara on June 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm said:

Go get ’em! Saw you rabbit at the Pre and thought, “just do that 3 more times and you’re golden.” Best of luck. I will be holding my thumbs for you!
Tiffany on June 25, 2012 at 5:40 pm said:

GO LAUREN!!!
Allison on June 25, 2012 at 6:11 pm said:

Go Lauren Go!!!
Ewen on June 25, 2012 at 6:45 pm said:

Well done on making final Lauren! Good stuff!
marian on June 25, 2012 at 6:53 pm said:

lauren! you did it!!!
i was rooting for you and speedy flying legs.
following jesse’s tweets with baited breath.
congratulations! woohoo!
Emily on June 25, 2012 at 6:59 pm said:

Just saw you make the finals! You ran with so much grit, it was incredibly inspiring! As I slowly return to running after 2 hip stress fractures, very little makes me want to get up and run. But watching you get out there and kick butt made me want to get back out there. Definitely a pure guts race!
Kelly on June 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm said:

Finals. Boom.
Meghan on June 25, 2012 at 7:11 pm said:

Hooray!
Putts on June 25, 2012 at 8:07 pm said:

Good luck Fleshman! Hope you kick ass. You’ve got such a great mindset and attitude. BELIEVE
Anna on June 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm said:

yay! you are awesome!! so much guts 🙂
Janet C on June 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm said:

We watched your race on tv. You are awesome! We’ll be holding up the C again Thursday night.
Gil on June 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm said:

Today I say your race, and coincidentally I also read the following quote from Pre: “I don’t race to see who is the fastest, I race to see who has the most guts.”

Well, clearly today (and for the past 10 monts) it was you.

Way to run your guts off! Run strong in the final.
Muhlenberg College on June 25, 2012 at 8:50 pm said:

SOOO PUMPED! CONGRATS!! Way to be a amazing source of inspiration for so many people. Good luck in the final!
Wayne on June 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm said:

You are a badass and a beast! I just watched the qualifier and was so happy to see you get through. 10 miles a week? Only you could do it.
Trisha on June 25, 2012 at 9:28 pm said:

You were incredible today. Congratulations Lauren!! I think you got your WR, too.
Alyson on June 25, 2012 at 9:28 pm said:

Lauren,
I am so rooting for you! You C A N do it! Actually, you’ve already done it. You should be so proud of yourself. I am so proud of you. Way to go! You are a winner for just keepin’ on keepin’ on!
Sumner on June 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm said:

Yay!!!!! Holding my breath that whole last lap, cheering like crazy when you crossed the line. You’re amazing and inspiring, and you totally just set the world record for fastest-5k-on-least-mileage. So happy to see you in the final!
Caroline Chapman on June 26, 2012 at 1:48 am said:

Sounds like you are through to the final. Great work.

Caroline
heather on June 26, 2012 at 2:32 am said:

omg! You made the finals! And you ran 15:51 on 10 miles a week – that HAS to be a world record (and probably a universe record, for this and all other universes) for fastest 5k on least mileage. I honestly do not think there is anyone else out there with the combination of talent + mental strength to pull that off. Amazing!
Kelly on June 26, 2012 at 4:38 am said:

this gave me some gnarly goosebumps – been following you all along and am in awe of your courage, heart and attitude. Kill it in the finals, Lauren!
Yehuda on June 26, 2012 at 6:00 am said:

Amazing and Inspirational.
You made the final.

Because I can.
–And so far, you have
Because it’s on my home track.
–There’s no place like home
Because I want to see how the story turns out.
–So far so good
Because there is no reason this can’t be really fun.
–Absolutely
Because I want to set the world record for fastest 5k on least weekly mileage.
–done
When you recognize that failing doesn’t make you a Failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things.
–Great thought/quote
Melissa Fryback on June 26, 2012 at 6:17 am said:

You give me hope. You make me believe. I’ll never be “in your shoes”, but in mine I believe I can overcome anything. I believe I can be better. I believe I can win with determination, a positive attitude, and hard work. I had PF in both feet and ITB this winter/early spring and after an almost DNF at the Eugene Marathon, 51 days later I got my dream… my first BQ.

My sincerest congratulations Lauren. I will cheer LOUDLY at my TV when you run in London and probably scare my kids doing so. You rock hard!!!
Patrick on June 26, 2012 at 6:30 am said:

The dream is still alive! You made the finals!

And I thought that Once a Runner was a good story, this story, your story, kicks butt!!!

Good luck in the finals!
Phil on June 26, 2012 at 6:36 am said:

I’m so glad to see you post again, and I was really happy to see you make the final! Congratulations!

I don’t have a lot of heroes, because most of what you hear about people is what they’ve accomplished, not how they’ve lived their lives. If I look up to someone, I want to feel inspired by their attitude and by the way they go out and just LIVE life, whether things are going according to plan or not. Ashton Eaton showed us what that can look like when it goes well; he has that sort of genuine love for his event, and while he’s very focused and a very hard worker, he does it because he loves it, not just because of how talented he is. But you’ve shown us what that can look like when it does go well; we’ve heard the ups and downs, the disappointment and the tenacity you show in just going out there and doing your best, even if it’s not where you’d hoped you would be, inspires me. It’s getting the most out of life, and that’s something I don’t see enough of these days. You’re one of my heroes.

-Phil
jay on June 26, 2012 at 6:44 am said:

AWESOME AWESOME RACE! My question is, is the IT Band pain gone? Are you upping your mileage again or are you still dealing with it? What therapy was the most helpful. I’m going on three months of PT, acupuncture, massage and stretching and also in the process of throwing goals out the window.
Elisabeth on June 26, 2012 at 6:56 am said:

goooo lauren! great race!
Liz Ward on June 26, 2012 at 7:15 am said:

Rock on Lauren! I love your determination. 🙂
- Lauren on July 9, 2012 at 5:50 pm said:
  
  Thanks Liz!
Al on June 26, 2012 at 8:30 am said:

You are a stone-cold killer and a fox. Kick ass in those finals.
- Lauren on July 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm said:
  
  Thanks Al 🙂
Robyn on June 26, 2012 at 11:05 am said:

Hot Damn that was amazing last night! I’m still riding YOUR runner’s high this morning. That run was all heart and those are the most inspiring to watch. Run strong on Thursday. The fans (at Hayward and elsewhere) will be cheering – let it feed you.
- Lauren on July 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm said:
  
  Thanks for the support Robyn!
Sarah @RunFarGirl on June 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm said:

Lauren. You are an inspiration. I love your heart and your will and your hard work. Can’t wait to see as you said “how the story” ends. Wishing you the best and cheering you all the way!!
- Lauren on July 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm said:
  
  Thanks Sarah.

The Evolution of A Dream