One Week Done
I honestly can’t believe it’s been a week already since I had surgery. The next 11 weeks stretch out ahead in a way I can’t even let myself consider. I can’t think about how it will be the new year before I’m putting back to back running days together, or the fact that racing season is in full swing about 5 months after that. I can’t think about the fact that I haven’t raced at a truly world class level in four years. I just can’t allow it.
And yet despite my best efforts, my mind jumps there anyway. While writing fall training plans for Little Wing, while eating a sandwich, returning emails. And when it jumps there I punt it forward several months so it never rests long in the waiting place. Instead of panic about lost time, images flash into my mind of fartleks in the forest; rhythmic breathing; work. I can see myself doing the work, and it brings me satisfaction as if I am doing the work. I don’t bother correcting myself, or talking myself down as I would as a younger athlete. I don’t spend energy saying, “Yeah, but…” I plant no seeds of doubt. The time will pass anyway, whether I spend it debating the probability of my success, or assuming it will be so.
As I look over to watch my son sleep on the airplane seat next to me, a few short hours from finally returning home, I can see him waiting at the finish line for me. I can’t quite deduce which finish line, and as I attempt to focus into the vision for clarity, it vaporizes leaving only a sleeping child again. I want the vision back, but the more intently I reach for it, the less available it is. Another reminder: it’s time to get comfortable with the mystery.
Sometimes you think you are the only one who feels a certain way because so few are willing to share. Thank you for your honesty, positivity, and your courage to fly.
Love this–and needed it today. Thanks for sharing Lauren!
This is my new favorite: “The time will pass anyway, whether I spend it debating the probability of my success, or assuming it will be so”
Awesome for running and any aspect of life.
Just started reading your blog after following you for ages on social media. The honesty is what gets me, it’s awesome, really inspiring. I hope your recovery is smooth.
Thanks Lauren – like so many others, your words are relevant to me at this place and time. I love being able to cheer for you – you always seem to be kicking ass no matter what mountain you’re climbing. I will send you positive heel healing thoughts and hope that you’ve put these hard days behind you. Be well!
Lauren, thank you for sharing, and kudos on your optimistic outlook!
I’m not a fast runner by any means, but I had arthroscopic hip surgery 2 months ago and I can certainly relate…like you, I went through months of PT and alternative therapies before realizing that I’d exhausted all non-surgical options. I had hip FAI and a torn labrum — it pained me so much to either sit or stand for even half an hour at a time, and was therefore incredibly disruptive to my normal life.
I was partial weight-bearing on crutches for a full 6 weeks before I could transition off of them, and to be honest I was quite depressed about losing my independence and having to defer a half marathon I’d been excited about.
I’m now 2 weeks into post-op PT, and even though it’ll likely be another month or two before I can run again, it makes a world of difference to be able to participate in exercise of some sort. Sometimes it does bother me that I went through a 3-month PT cycle at this same time last year (and had gained speed upon completion of that cycle). But at this stage, I need to remember that all my new work in PT will help me become a faster and more efficient runner, without the risk of injury recurrence/worsening.
I’m so impressed with your positive attitude and wish you all the best on your road to recovery!!
I have to wait 12 weeks also, almost through with mine after knee surgery ! Thank you for this, I totally understand… 🙂