There is only one thing harder than winning a championship:
Defending it.
The past few months, while I’ve been climbing out of the IT Band Mosh Pit, Jesse (the huz) has been preparing to defend his Wildflower Triathlon Title.
As far as I know, this is the first time Jesse’s ever had to defend anything legit. He won his first state cross country and track titles his Senior Year of high school, and it turns out they don’t let you come back as a college kid and defend. He got to experience the same unbridled in-your-face-ness his senior year of college when he finally won his first Pac 10 Title. Good timing in both cases, in my opinion.
But Wildflower…
When Jesse shocked the triathlon community last year by winning one of the most prestigious and historic triathlons in the world on a borrowed bike and race kit with Walgreens Aviators on, he did so at the very beginning of his Pro Triathlon Career. The kid was green: Kermit the Frog Green. It was hilarious.
But unlike his hard-earned, dues paid, big man on campus victories that resulted in a school of fist bumps and a chorus of “You earned that man’s!” Jesse’s Wildflower win was met with a lot of WTF’s?! and an amused curiosity. As an unknown in the sport, such an unlikely victory was chalked up by many to be “the race of that kid’s life” or “a good story” or “a weak field,” all of which could very well have been true. One never knows until it comes time to defend.
As the weeks closed in on Wildflower version 2.0, I watched Jesse squirm and try to remain calm as the gravity of the race pulled on him. On the one hand, he was fitter than ever, more experienced, wanted it badly, and had tons of support. On the other hand, the 30th anniversary of the event promised a much deeper field, his anonymity was vaporized, media and sponsor requests had to be factored in to the schedule, and worst of all, he had to face the demons of having done it before.
When I won NCAA’s my sophomore year for the first time, I had never felt such bliss. I de-throwned defending champ Kara Goucher and took Hayward Field by complete surprise. 12 years later I’m looking into botox treatments for the stretch marks from over-smiling that day [month]. That win changed my career, the way I thought of my potential, and the way others thought of me, but it also set me up for the most miserable and horrifying NCAA’s 12 months later when I went to defend my title. I still get sick remembering the gore involved in that mental battle.
Unlike last time, you know you can do it because you have done it before. You know how good it feels to win. You know you want that again soooo badly. But you also know that your previous win was partially due to lots of factors out of your control. Maybe I won because Kara had a bad day…or because so-and-so ran the 10k instead…or because I had no pressure as the underdog…it goes on and on ad infinitum.
The truth is, in every race, there is the very real possibility that even if you have the race of your life, some factor out of your control can cut you down. Bad luck. Flat tire. Someone else has the race of her life. And never is this more terrifying than when you feel you have something to lose for the first time. Defending a title requires getting comfortable with that and running your nuts off anyway.
Saturday, 30 minutes after the race, when the media finally pressed stop on their recorders, after family and friends in the finish area got their fill of hugs and high fives, Jesse walked away to a quiet place alone.
My phone rang.
“YAY OH MY GOSH YOU WON CONGRATS YOU ARE SO AWESOME YOU DID IT I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND PROUD AND YOU WORKED SO HARD AND HAD ALL THAT PRESSURE AND MEDIA STUFF AND YOU DID IT ANYWAY AND AND AND…”
Jesse responded with a rare emotional thanks that brought tears to my eyes. I wished I was there. I knew I would wish I was there.
“Was any of it fun or were you scared shitless the whole time?!” I asked, remembering.
A laugh burst through a throat thick with emotion, “It was horrifying. The entire time. I was running scared the whole way. It was terrible!”
“But you didn’t let it beat you! You pulled it off!”
“I’m so relieved…I did it…”
As the hours pass, relief turns to happiness, and happiness to exhaustion. Only when the race is well over do you realize how difficult it was. Not just the race, but everything leading up to it.
It will never be that hard again.
To read Jesse’s account of the race, you should really check out his blog here. Seriously. For real.
Jesse’s win was made all the more impressive to me after I read his post – nothing fun about having a target on your back and having to spend a majority of your race battling yourself [not to mention your competitors] is, I would imagine, very emotionally draining. One of my first thoughts was “think how much faster he could have maybe gone if he didn’t have to waste all of that emotional energy! and he still won! that’s incredible!” It is incredible and very well deserved.
And, rethinking reasons why you race may have not been as good as you previously thought (or your win a fluke, but I don’t win anything so I can’t really compare it to that)….hmmm, doesn’t sound familiar at all. Can’t relate there, at all. 🙂
So, L-Flo, how is that IT band mosh pit these days?
Thanks Meggie. The IT band is improving. Sprint workouts work for me, so I’m hitting about 11 miles a week now 🙂
Love your blog about your perspective—and loved Jesse’s—and especially LOVED LOVED LOVEd the two of them together. Life is complicated and racing is…….complicated. So very nice to have a joyous wrap-up to this chapter. Hoorah for the Thomas/Fleshman households. And good luck to YOU with your IT band challenge and racing dreams. Make it HAPPEN!
Thanks Brenda!
awesome post. Trying is hard. We can make set-the-bar-so low goals that they are easy to accomplish. We can set pie in the sky goals that are so far fetched that, when we don’t accomplish them, no one judges you as a failure because the goal was so out of reach. But, it’s the stretch-but-within reach goals that are difficult. You have to TRY…and trying is a scary, humbling, put yourself-out-on-the-limb-and-risk-failure place to be.
Congrats to Jesse for having the balls to defend his title with all the pressure and coming through with a win.
PS — I’m not sure who has the hotter spouse — Lauren or Jesse? ! Such a kick ass couple!
Sara, brilliant. Nailed it. Love what you said about stretch-but-within-reach goals. Thanks for that! Take notes peeps.
you both have such honesty and transparency in your writing… so inspiring and encouraging to read! I’m just a fan, don’t know either of you personally and was practically bursting with pride on Saturday that Jesse won, so I can only imagine how you must feel! And I agree with Sara– you are a kick ass couple and both cutie patooties! Imagine the genes for good looks and athletics your future littles will inherit! 🙂 Thanks for opening up your thoughts to your fans and admirers. Best wishes on your continued IT recovery!
Aw, thanks Laurel. Thanks for the comment and compliments 🙂
Pete was reading the recap last night and I just loved seeing these crowd shots as Jesse ran into the finish. Victory is written all over that face. Now it looks like there will be a second person in the Flomas household looking for Botox. Enjoy!!
Seriously, right?! What a face!
The two of you, Flomas to the world, are living proof of what competitive sports is meant to be…commitment to action, endurance, digging deep, overcoming and always always remembering that love of who you are, who you are committed to and what you both do together makes each of you glorious in your own right. Regardless of the results. Wonderful read. wonderful race.
Thanks Michael. Rock and roll.
The picture at the end of the blog tells it all.
sure does. should have just posted that!
Congrats Jesse !!! Great race! You both are an inspiration to this 58 year old middle of the packer.
Thanks Paul.
Congrats to the 2 of you, you guys are a great team. I have already run this evening but after reading this I want to go out and swim, cycle and run. OMG, the pics tell it all…loved the one at the end with euphoria everywhere…Jess, flags, all the people clapping…Wow! Live out of your imagination, not your history! Rock on…
Live out of your imagination, not your history…very very cool.
Lauren,
First of all, congrats to Jesse! Pretty amazing stuff… Secondly, you logged 11 more miles than I did last week, and am insanely jealous. Good news is, I have surgery tomorrow (meniscus tear) and should be running again on June 1.
Finally, I have been spreading the news about Picky Bars to the running stores in Columbus and Cincinnati – hopefully they will be in touch. I went on the Picky Bars website and put their info on as well – hope the company grows like crazy!!
Best to you and J,
Bob
Wow, beautiful words about your H. Congratulations to him. I’ve never had a title to defend in running, but in other areas of life I know the “sick from the pit of the stomach to the soles of the feet” nervousness that accompanies competing in something you’re supposed to win. I think you both obviously handle pressure better than you think (or you wouldn’t be where you are.)
SO… How about you? I’ve been watching for an update and sending my prayers for your recovery and training. If we sent fan mail to your Springfield address would you get it? Or are you still in AZ? In any case, I very much hope and believe things will come together for you by June. We’re all cheering you on.
What a fun post to read. The pressures of defense sound intimidating to say the least. Jesse kicked ass anyway.
so ‘effing awesome. great post! I love you and jesse – my heros!!!
Hi Lauren,
I was perusing a guide to 2012 Olympics in Chapters and was thrilled to see you featured in the middle distance section..You were leading a middle distance race ,so count that as a sign of things to come.Keep up the hard work.
Sandra
This was a great adventure, thank you for sharing it with us!