It’s no secret I’ve been dealing with some achilles stuff for quite a while. Over two years to be exact. About six weeks ago I had a breakthrough. A very high resolution MRI read by Dr. Amol Saxena found that my heel bone is oddly shaped, with a hook-like piece on it that pokes into my achilles when my calf is stretched. Because of this, a lot of the things I was doing to make it better were actually making it worse. It’s not so much a spur, but more of one of those “that’s just the way you’re built” kind of things, like the shape of one’s nose. For whatever reason (age, 20 years of left turns, etc), it finally decided to cause me trouble, so I can either get major surgery to shave it down (4-6 month recovery), or create a work-around (orthotic and change of approach). Surgery would take Rio Olympics completely off the table, so work-around it is! The doctor is very optimistic.
It’s a bit scary because it’s either going to work, or it won’t. I’ll know within a month or two. I’ve had to be very intentional with creating my approach for the next year since I only have one more real crack at this particular type of running: Olympic track and field, which has the highest demands on my heel of all the kinds of running I could be doing. If it doesn’t work out, I can get surgery and go from there. Or not. The thing is, there are plenty of other approaches to the sport that can work within my limits, and “worst case scenario” I can think about the next chapter of sport/life as a coach of professional athletes, and ambassador.
That transition doesn’t scare me at all. I’m 33, prepared, excited for the future, and can appreciate how much simpler life will be on the other side for my family and friendships. But as those of you who follow my career know, I may be in a bit of a competitive free fall at the moment, but I’m not ready to pull the parachute cord yet.
There are those in the competitive running world who find hangers-on in the sport to be un-desireable: the “Why are they still doing this?” questions come out when someone is older, facing obstacles, and/or could possibly be over the bell curve of their peak performances. “Why not retire at the top of their game?” I’ve heard people say, and have even said myself when I was 22. When you are younger and on fire, it is hard to imagine finding satisfaction in anything but upward momentum. I remember feeling a bit sorry for what I saw as 30-somethings frantically waving a magic wand over their top hats. I completely missed the point. In my weaker moments of the past two years, awareness of that critical perspective has occasionally made me feel like I have no right to keep doing this. But then I remember that running is mine.
In the end, this is what I love most about running.
Running is, and has always been, a personal life journey. It is done within a larger context of the sport as a whole, which is it’s own living, breathing, evolving organism. Being in the spotlight and competing on the biggest stages in the world, you become subject to an institutional, external definition of “success” or “failure” and if you aren’t careful, it can completely supplant your own. If running your best is justified only by international success, what is running without it?
When it comes to my personal journey, I just happen to be good enough at running, and capable of working hard enough for it to have landed me near the front of the pack, but that’s not why I do it. USA Championships, finishing 7th at Worlds, those were side-shows, not the main event. The main event has no podium. I just want to see what I’m capable of, just like I did when I was 13, and what I hope to do into my 60’s, in a way that feels good to me.
We have a tendency in pro track and field to worship child stars, obsess over records and medals, not celebrate our history (outside of what is sold to us by corporate interests) and then thrash the veterans on message boards so badly that by the time they retire, most shut the door completely behind them and never look back. In a sport that desperately needs fans, volunteers, officials, and active alums, we find instead a pretty massive void. Doesn’t take a genius to see that it is in our sport’s interest to smooth out that transition from competitor to fan. It is my intent to kick some ass now, make that transition happily, and take notes along the way.
So back to kicking ass. This intentional approach I’m taking now? Specific strength work, soundwave therapy, shoes being developed to my specifications by Roka, an orthotic, a very gradual, measured build, a nutritional approach that optimizes tendon health and recovery…I feel good about it. Some days I freak out, but I’m taking it day-by-day, and looking at the next 18 months as an adventure with very little to lose. So long as I don’t lose my love of the sport, or my passion to stick around and improve it, I’ve won.
XO
Lauren
you go, Lauren. we’ll all be here cheering you on and so much more.
Good stuff Lauren. And here I was thinking you were about to become an XC MTB racer. Wish I’d thought of ‘the main event has no podium’ as that’s what running is for most of us. Even racing. I like your strategy for Rio. Stay away from those left-hand turns until the last possible minute.
We’ll take her.
I think Ms. Fleshman is in Oregon, that state is mostly OBRA if she wants to compete. They are a much better org than USA Cycling.
Good, general advice, stay away from USA Cycling.
I have a similar problem that was diagnosed a Haglund’s deformity. A hole on the inside of the heel counter was the indicator later confirmed with an x-ray. Although the deformity has been present since childhood, it did not present a problem until later in my running career; probably due to shortening of the Achilles with age.
The good news is that a podiatrist gave me a gel pad made by Silipos that slips over the ankle with the gel pad over the heel bone. I have not had any further problems for 3 and a half years!
You are my (s)hero. I may not know you personally, but there is something so damn special about you that it’d be impossible for a random person like me to not want to follow your journey (*adventure*) and cheer you on every damn step of the way. Thank you so much for what you’ve brought to the sport, are bringing to the sport, and will bring to the sport for all the years to come. Your impact is indelible. Cheers!
Great News
Thanks for the great update! Love your attitude, as always. You’ve never stopped kicking ass in my book 🙂
A lot of what you wrote really resonates with me – and I think I probably peaked as a good but not great high school runner at 15 🙂 Running is yours. Running is mine. We all are just trying to see what we can do.
I love your outlook and am rooting for you. The sport is lucky to have you.
I am 40, have been a runner since 15, had kids at 35 and 39. Favorites are long tail runs. I’ve had very chronic plantar fasciitis and Achilles tendinitis for last 2.5 years, have tried various combinations of PT, acupuncture, massage, lots of eccentric strength training, stretching, rolling, yoga — without much improvement. And, sleeping in dorsiwedge boot for last six months. I now use custom orthotics and switched to Hoka Bondi 4 for extra cushioning. Over last four months, I’ve been using Yamana foot savers and completing the 10-series of structural integration treatments (Rolfing), and I’m back to running about 15 miles a week, doing my best to very slowly go longer. It’s hard to separate the effect of the many treatments I’ve tried, but the I’m convinced that the foot savers, boot and Rolfing have helped the most, along with orthotic and more cushy shoes. It’s a maddening injury to work through, but I’m grateful to have even short runs back in my routine. Best of luck!
Lauren – This one really did it for me. I think at any level of running we can get sucked into the PRs and the qualifications, but it’s never what it was about. I believe you’ve highlighted this before, in different words – that the goal is just the amplified life path and you sign up for the ride, not the destination.
Always a fan, Aly
Thank you for this! I was a runner until This April when I had my hip reconstructed and was advised to take up another sport. I swam during initial recovery and then bought a bad ass mountain bike. I’ve been biking all over Colorado! I follow you on Strava and know that you Mtn bike too! My hip isn’t healing as we had hoped which has led to frustration and disappointment that my body isn’t cooperating. You’re always source of positivity and badassery!
Beautifully said. You can do it!
I’d love to find out more about what roka is doing for you in shoes. I have struggled with Achilles issues for the last three years and am 3 minutes away from an OTQ in the marathon and still hoping to give it one last shot this year (no regrets). I’m obviously not at your level but like you, if it doesn’t work out but I gave it my best, I am at peace with that and will go back to triathlon while managing being a working mom. But that means in the interim I am trying everything for my Achilles (over the last three years I’ve essentially learned how to manage it but some days the pain is worse than others and the limitations on my mobility). I’ve the more rise in a shoe, the better, so again, I am curious about what roka is doing.
As always, a thoughtful and fresh perspective. Praying for your heel and hoping the running community can adopt your outlook on all professional athletes– celebrating them!
Honored to be your Volée teammate and cheering for you all the way! Thank you for sharing your struggle, your dreams, and your plan of attack!
Was just thinking this morning that I am drawn to people whose brains seem to fire quickly and with such clarity… While reading this post and your most recent RW article, I realized this is exactly why I enjoy your writing so much! Regardless of where your legs take you in your future running career, you have something else so very special- a knack for articulating, for seeing nuances that others miss, for translating your passion for this awesome sport into something athletes at all levels can grow from, for your unwavering honesty and your desire to make sure integrity is the unwavering cornerstone of fair competition. I feel a tad like Dr. Seuss in saying, “Oh, the places you’ll go…”
I have no doubt you got some damn good talent left in those 33 yr. old legs, but is it that brain of yours that will change this sport for the better. Keep firing on all cylinders!
Hi Lauren,
Sorry to hear about your struggles. My husband had a similar injury but he chose to get surgery to remove the deformity and they were able to do it without detaching the Achilles. He is healing quickly and he has been given permission to move towards running, which means that he will be able to run 6 weeks post surgery. I’m not sure what your specific situation is but if you can remove the bone without detaching the Achilles, your recovery might be faster. My husband found that the information on the internet was a lot worse than his actual experience. Anyhow, I’ve always enjoyed your blog and I wish you luck in training and racing.
love!!!
love this line:
“Some days I freak out, but I’m taking it day-by-day, and looking at the next 18 months as an adventure with very little to lose. So long as I don’t lose my love of the sport, or my passion to stick around and improve it, I’ve won.”
Go get ’em girl!
I am excited to share with you my interview with professional runner Lauren Fleshman! A talented track and field athlete, Lauren attended Stanford University where she racked up an incredible number of accolades, including being a 15-time All-American and 5-time NCAA champion in addition to earning her BA in Human Biology and MA in Education.