This is Part 2 of 2. Did you miss the backstory in Part 1? Read it here.
…Reality:
Imagine my dismay when on the very first day of 2011, I found myself unable to run. Three days turned into two weeks, which turned into two months. I kept my head on straight for most of it, never giving up on my season, but eventually it wore me down. Here I was again, living the same story I promised myself I wouldn’t repeat, and here I was faced with writing about it all again. Most days, I just couldn’t do it.
Around the eighth week of injury without improvement, I hit the emotional reset button with the help of energy worker Bob Greczanik. It turned me into an amoeba for a week (but an enlightened amoeba). Seriously, turning on the light switch took major effort. Then I pulled myself together, drove my VW Campervan to Arizona, camped out at Dr. John Ball’s office and spent four weeks reconstructing the soft tissue of my foot through manual torture. After 12 weeks off, I was finally back running on April 2.
April F-ING 2!!! Nationals was approaching fast: June 24th. It doesn’t take a math whiz to realize that left me with one day short of 12 weeks to get ready to defend my title, or more realistically, to get around 12.5 laps of the track without embarrassing myself. Out of those 12 weeks, I’d need two to get used to running again, two more to get my mileage up, and one week at the end for a mini-taper. That left a total of seven weeks for “training.” Even IF I didn’t have a single setback or hiccup, things were looking pretty bleak.
I met with Coach Rowls to discuss my options, and talk to him about creating an alternative goal in the fall to aim towards. It was a strained meeting with conflict and me eventually blubbering all over myself. I vented frustration in how far my reality was from where I imagined I’d be. I grieved the loss of that invincibility I felt after last year’s USA Championship race, when anything seemed possible. I had been clinging to my best laid plans, and I finally had to let them go. Damn. In the end, Mark convinced me there was value in playing the best game I could with the hand I was dealt.
My cards were lookin pretty weak. I was totally out of shape without enough time to do squat. But after we talked, I decided to make a fun challenge out of it: I decided to try to play these sucky cards better than anyone else in the nation could play these sucky cards. It would take strategy and logic and passion and a good amount of bluffing. But in the end, no matter what, I’d have an answer to this question:
How good can I get in 12 short weeks?
This challenge would be an intense experiment requiring all 16 years of experience in mental and physical training techniques. If I were a musician, I would be throwing together a compilation mix of my greatest hits so far. I decided I wouldn’t waste a single moment doubting or feeding negative thoughts. I was going to make myself believe that anything was possible. I was going to surround myself with positive people, imagine the best outcomes, and bathe myself in awesomeness.
Probably because of that, it turned out I made it without a single hiccup, and made it through (almost) every single day with a feeling of peace. The work I was doing mentally was having an incredible effect on how I approached the challenges in front of me, and fitness milestones were flying by. By the time the race came, I hadn’t run a 5k on the track in almost 11 months, but I was relaxed and accepting of my destiny. The other girls were going to compete how they were going to compete. All I could do was run my race the best way I knew how, given the circumstances, and enjoy the hell out of it.
So how did it turn out?
Well, the simple story you can find in the results is that I was 8th place in the USA in 15:31. Right smack in the middle of the pack. The slightly more complex story can be seen in the race footage, where I am relatively smooth for 10 laps before the fast pace rips into my legs and lungs beyond my fitness level, leaving me fighting for breath as the opportunity to make the World Team pulls away. But the real story is this:
As my dad would say, I bluffed my way through that shitty hand like a cowboy in a saloon (with a six shooter pointing at him under the table).
That 12 weeks was milked for all that it was worth by developing mental skills that I’ll have forever. I fought for every place, and every second, and walked off the track with an increased respect for the event and my competitors. Sure, I’d love to have finished better, but I’d also love to have a vacation home in Monaco. You work with what you’ve got: if you set your goals with a wider lens on your life, you don’t have to win the race to experience deep satisfaction.
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I’m kicking off season two of “ALF Overseas” folks! I’ll be training, racing, imbibing, and adventuring all over Europe, so if you have enjoyed my blog but don’t want to check back all the time, go to the top right corner and sign up for email notifications. It’ll give you a heads up when there is something new (you can always unsubscribe. I won’t get my feelings hurt, I promise).
Awesome. I’m trying new things in my life right now and working hard to appreciate that progress is something I can be proud of, even if I’m not where I want to be in an absolute sense. Thanks for this!
Thanks Sara. If you have to live through your current situation regardless, you might as well find a way to get excited about it and enjoy it right? The alternative is a lot of bleak days. 🙂 Sounds like you’ve got it going on. Stick with it. 🙂
Great writing, Lauren. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts & story. This should be required reading for not only athletes, but just about everyone!
Thanks Tracy. Very generous words.
Great story. Sometimes it takes major setbacks for any of us to see what we are really made of. And just because you don’t win it it all does not any way diminish the fact that you gave all that you had at that time. Like you said you know have tools that will always be with you. There is always tomorrow….
Its like they say, all you can give is the best you’ve got!
I really think you could write a book to teach us mere mortals how to harness that positive thinking and belief you’ve learned to possess. Like you said, it not only helps in running, but in pretty much everything you do. Its very telling that when you approached your 12 weeks with that mental attitude, the “fitness milestones started flying by,” as you say. Its really impressive, too, that you were able to keep that mindset the entire 12 weeks. As much as I try to keep a good attitude sometimes, there’s always that little voice in the back of my head screaming the doubt at me. So, yes, please write that book so the rest of us can shut up the doubting Thomases in our heads.
Being able to compete at all with that little of preparation is a feat in and of itself. Most people probably would’ve pulled out. And 8th place ain’t shabby at all. Tear it up in Europe!
Hi Meggie,
It takes practice, but the hardest part is realizing how much we stand in our own way, and realizing what a difference it can make to make it a priority to get out of our own way mentally. Once you realize that, there are many ways to do it.
This is incredibly inspiring – especially the line about having a vacation home in Monaco. Life is so much harder when we can’t accept reality. Thanks for the reminder.
You boiled that down beautifully: Life is so much harder when we can’t accept reality. Can you be my editor please? 🙂
If you ever need one, man would I love to be your editor.
This story should help everyone be better. Thanks.
This is just amazing. Meggie is right, you should write a book (but wait – didn’t we hear that a book is forthcoming? Yay!) You must have gained so much mental and emotional strength from those 12 weeks and I am curious to hear about the next steps in this journey…
Ok, this is a fantastically mundane question after the pure inspiration of that post,and maybe you don’t want to revisit the topic at all (understandable) but I am curious: did you literally not run at all during the time you were injured, or at least the first 8 weeks? Did you cross-train? Or were you literally starting over after a 3 month break?
Thanks Heather! I do have a literary project coming out very very soon, but its not a “book” exactly. Its an artistic training diary that is designed to guide a runner through exactly what I talk about in this blog: maximizing your enjoyment of running and your own potential. The focus is on mental techniques and having a diary that you are actually excited to use every day. I’ll post the official release date when I have it.
I want a copy hot off the presses. Your publisher isn’t in NYC is it?!
Forgot to answer your other question! I ran 3 days total in 12 weeks, with another 3 or so “testers” where you run up the street for 10-30 seconds and that’s all it takes to realize you are in fact still very injured and need to stop immediately. I tried running for real for the first time after 4 weeks off and the first day was great and the second day was back to square one. Then I tried once at 8 weeks or so. Then after 12 weeks I started doing baby runs and building back up.
The first four weeks I was in Albuquerque thinking I’d get better any minute. I cross trained mostly in the pool. Generally it was a mixture of swimming (30 minutes is my max before drowning) immediately followed by water running for another 30 minutes to add up to an hour in the morning. I’d mix in some bike sprints (SIT) in the afternoon twice a week.
After 4 weeks I was back home with my ElliptiGo, so I did about 10 sessions a week with about half on the ElliptiGo and half with deep water running. On days with singles I’d do an hour on the ‘Go, and the double days I’d add in the pool.
After 8 weeks I took a week off completely for a mental health break cuz I was freaking out.
The last four weeks I cross trained once a day for an hour, with barely any intervals because I had no mental energy for it. I was putting all my energy into working with Dr. Ball and doing rehab, and focusing on getting well. The hour of aerobic was simply to check a box to be honest.
As would be expected, once I started running pain free, my motivation to cross train better improved, and I used the ElliptiGo and some water running to supplement my mileage all the way until USA’s.
I started running 18 months ago, and shortly after that I started dating a former collegiate track star who got me watching track events. I got injured right around the time of USAs last year, and right then I needed someone, I needed a champion, whose story I could relate with, whose perseverance I could look up to, and from whom I could draw inspiration. Turns out, not only can I watch that person compete on TV, that person also writes a witty, informative blog that I turn to all the time. You are that person, Lauren – you are that champion. I know you battled every minute of those 12 weeks and I know you’ll keep battling. I’ve got a Lauren Fleshman quote on my bulletin board – “I must be 100% of what I am today.” Thank you for always helping me be 100%.
Thanks Chad for the nice words and for posting your story. I hope you are in a good place with your running. I’ll keep filling in the holes between TV races on this blog as best as I can.
Hey Lauren,
First, remind me to be very careful if I ever play poker with you :)!
Second, you are so kickass – I just smile whenever I think about you.
That’s life isn’t it? Playing the hand you’re dealt – sometimes with a little time built in for staring at the hand we’re dealt and saying, “Are you effing kidding me?!!?? This is the hand I’m dealt?!??!?”
But damn, you played that pair of sixes as well as anyone has ever played them!
What is it about you that’s so inspiring? Well, part of it is that your positive, adventure-loving, warrior, fighting, generous, happy, life-embracing and affirming spirit just leaps off these pages. Part of it is that most of us gathered here are runners and when we trudge on down to the local oval for some repeat 800s or whatever and our knees are knocking because we know it’s going to hurt like hell we can imagine you standing on the starting line of the freaking US CHAMPS with only 12-weeks of training under your belt – AND YOU’RE THE DEFENDING CHAMPION SO ALL THOSE HUNGRY BEASTS LINED UP NEXT TO YOU ARE GUNNING FOR YOU and they’re all in the best shape of their lives – and you know deep down that when you get to that final 600-800 meters your race mates are going to kick it up a gear or two and yet THERE YOU ARE and Salazar says the starting line makes cowards of us all, yet THERE YOU ARE and the fun fires and you pour yourself out on that track and you wring the effort out of your body, your body that is screaming to your brain, “MAKE HER STOP!” and you have the courage and presence and toughness and “balls” (to quote a famous philosopher) to push through and grab 8th place and do it all with humility and strength and poise and grace and even beauty – my god, it’s a privilege to watch you run!
And … to read your thoughts after you run.
Fantastic!
Congratulations!
Rock on!
Tell me you were at the race because HOLY CRAP that is EXACTLY how I felt. And back on the day when I decided to play that hand of cards, I KNEW that is what I would be faced with. But if you truly love running, why let ANY circumstance take all the enjoyment out of the game?
Ricky sure has a way of describing the moment. Wow!
The conversations/dialogue that your blog generates is just about as good as the posts themselves – I love it. Its like a mini-little club/group/community.
Always proud off you. You rock.
Lauren,
King David’s son Solomon said the following words of wisdom;
I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. So whatever you do, do well. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this!
That is a great story, and so applicable to what has been resonating with me this year. What chapter and book of the Bible is that in?
Ecclesiastes 9: 7-12
Hi Lauren,You did the best with the card you were dealt. I have been disappointed with some of my results but in retrospect Idid the best I could on that day. You showed up at the start line and did your best and that is what makes you a winner.
I s
Awesomeness. Thank you for sharing.
Great post! No matter if you got 1st or last, you where there and did awesome. Anyone competing in the race was. You def have the heart of a lion. You don’t understand why you were injured, nor do we understand when a race doesn’t work out how we wish. However, each “failure” can teach us and teach others as well. Here is my point: My little bro was an amazing hurdler. He was breaking hs records in middle school. His dream was to win state in hs and go on to run at Virginia Tech. However, his soph yr he became deathly sick. He was in icu for two weeks, then flown to Vanderbilt. No dr could figure out what was wrong. He was an actual case study. He ended up going all over the country for answers. He had autonomic nervous system failure. He went to the Mayo Clinic 3 times…but given little hope. However he never gave up!! Long,long,long story short he is 100% better due to the healing hand of our mighty God. God didn’t want him to be state champion. He ended up being Valvictorian and giving his amazing story and testimony at graduation. God used his setbacks to touch so many. His plans are best. Keep your head up and eyes on him….his will is perfect. Cheering 4 ya girl!!
Your little bro made quite a turnaround! Great story. Thanks for sharing that. Life is far too complex in its plot to ever presume we know the ideal way things should turn out.
If I were one of the chicks you beat, I would be pretty embarassed that someone with 12 weeks of training beat me. 🙂 Great job all around. I am really interested in the attitude work you did. I focus too much on the negative. Maybe if I think of positivity as a goal that I have to train for and practice, it will make more sense to me than just hoping to wake up positive one day. Maybe I should start by not beating myself up for not being positive! You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks for putting yourself out there and helping us in the process.
Word. I ran a whole marathon thinking of reasons why I couldn’t hit a certain time I wanted to and how terrible I was than talking myself. WHO DOES THAT? This girl. I’ve also never thought of positivity as a goal, but as something you either have or don’t. Good food for thought. Sorry, I’m not Lauren, but I just wanted to comment on this.
Muna,
Your comment about starting with not beating yourself up is clutch.
I’ll try to cover more stuff on this topic. You’ll have to check out my training diary when its published later this month because it has some great techniques along these lines.
For me, these three realizations helped a lot:
1. That dwelling in positivity is a choice and a developed skill, and that it makes a huge difference in performance.
2. Beating yourself up when you recognize negativity is like fighting fire with gasoline.
3. Realizing that the negative never gives up or goes away, but you can cut off its microphone earlier and earlier with practice.
“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.”
-Buddha
Yes, this is totally true: “dwelling in positivity is a choice and a developed skill, and that it makes a huge difference in performance.” I only just started to figure this out in a completely different context (work..ugh) in the last few months and it’s like a vast untapped reserve of a resource I never knew I had. Think about it – in any given situation, what can you control? Generally, the only thing you can control is your own reaction. It is SO much better for you and your own health, AND for the outcome, to make that reaction as positive as you can: “geez, this is the crappiest hand ever, let’s see what we can make of it…” The answer to that can be pretty surprising. The other option, dwelling on and wallowing in how unfairly you’ve been treated or how unfair life is in general – well, I guess some of this is natural, but in the long term you’re only hurting yourself.
I’m all over that training diary! When I’m ready to train properly again after monsterbaby is born (I’m 7 months pregnant) this mental stuff is going to be a major focus for me.
Amazing stuff – so helpful!
I’m all over that training diary too!
what we do on the track is probably about as far on the ends of the spectrum as you can get, but I take so much from your perspective and your growth through this journey. So… thanks for sharing! It helps me, as I’m sure it helps many, many others– athletes or not.
Thanks for the comment! That means a lot coming from a world-class athlete such as yourself. Your blog is fantastic, I’ve always loved watching you compete, and I’m pulling for you this summer.
Your story motivated me. I must admit i feel tired thinking that the next day is going to be another training day. But after reading your article and learning what you went through tge pain in my training is nothing compared to yours. Thanks for sharing!
Great quote about perspective from Roger Bannister in a recent Sports Illustrated interview:
But were Bannister in his prime now, mightn’t he at least have considered putting off medicine for a few years to make a go as a pro runner? “No,” he says with a smile. “It’s a part of life. It’s not really life as a whole, is it?”
Garrett, and later on in that Bannister interview is this gem, “the Greek ideal was that sport should be preparation for life in general.”
I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog! Your writing style is honest and fun and I find your thoughts and perspectives are helpful for my running but also for every day life. It’s one thing to be happy and feel sucessful when things are going as you would like, it’s another to maintain happiness and a good perspective when things aren’t as you wish. Thank you for the inspiration. Way to go Lauren!
Lauren, you are such an inspiration both on the track and off. Your openness, positivity, mental and physical fortitude, and great sense of balance and perspective make it such a pleasure to follow along on this journey with you. Thanks for having us along for the ride! Kick butt in Europe!! 🙂
Thanks Karen!
Lauren, you are truly one of my all-time favorite runners. Thanks for sharing your journey. Your strength, perseverance, and most of all your attitude are inspiring.
Thanks for being you.
Thanks Brad!
One other issue issue is that video games are usually serious naturally with the primary focus on learning rather than leisure. Although, it comes with an entertainment feature to keep your kids engaged, every single game is normally designed to work with a specific set of skills or program, such as mathematics or scientific disciplines. Thanks for your write-up.
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