Needled HammerI swear to God, the acupuncturist I saw today had special powers. I don’t know if he necessarily helped me with my problem (I’m sure that will become apparent in the next few days,) but from talking to him, he definitely can change the orbits of small planets. I did tweet that I feel healed as of today, which came to me like a lightbulb on the drive home from his office. I think he voodoo’d my energy toward the land of gumdrops and candy canes. I’m not complaining, it feels amazing to feel healed.

Just a few things I learned about Mr. Acupuncture: at 14 years old, after graduating high school early and getting a perfect score on the SAT, he travelled to Tibet to visit with the second most widely known wise man, and upon walking into the room the wise man told him, “You were my teacher once, long ago. I knew you would come back as a new man, and have been waiting for this day.” He proceeded to give the 14 year old boy all of his “belongings” that he left behind so many years ago before his death, which the kid took back to America (including a 1500 year old solid gold statue of some sort.)

Mr Acupuncture is so finely tuned into energy systems, that when you walk into the room, he says he already knows everything. He can feel all the energy from your body, and the way his energy reflects and interacts with yours.

There are other, less impressive tricks such as speaking to the dead, (who reportedly always lie and therefore aren’t worth listening to,) and creating herbal cures for just about anything. I sound like I’m mocking, but you would believe him too if you went to his office.

Now, its a good thing this guy works in chinese medicine because the type of person who seeks such medicine is likely to be more open minded that your average Western medicine purist. I can only imagine what some of my friends would think if they were treated by him. But they never would be, so its all good. You don’t just hand over 60+ bucks to someone unless you believe they might have a valid skill.

For me, the experience was incredible. Now, I’m open minded, but not to the point where I jump on the band wagon of every new guru I see. I do have my own criteria, and my own bullshit meter, and I’ve seen many people that I would never chose to see again. This man falls into the criteria of gurus who I have no doubt they are legit, but its so far out there that I’m not sure I would fully benefit from it. As open minded as I am, I struggled when he put a needle in my ass and then asked me if I could feel the pulsing waves of energy at my calves. I didn’t feel anything of the sort, but I blamed it on my insensitivity, rather than him being loco.

I believe some people have gifts to feel people’s energy and manipulate it. I’ve experienced true results from such things, but usually they were from an eastern-minded masseur, or some such east/west blend of professions. This man today was purely eastern medicine, far far far further east than this Eugene resident has ever travelled.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m too old at my young 28 years to fully soak in what he has to offer. Have I had too many years of western ideology already? I think at 21 I could have had an appointment like I did today, and been convinced I should quit running to study under a Chinese wise man. I hope I still have enough youth and impressionability to benefit from the expertise of this Albuquerquian acupuncturist, because regardless of how much my sponge can soak up, he’s legit.