Photo taken by Jaybird Sport
I’m sitting on a too-firm sofa in the living room of our hotel suite, drinking a glass of some kind of illegible French white wine, thinking about my husband. He went to bed 30 minutes ago, and is dutifully doing his night time stretching routine on the other side of the door. I know this because I can hear the familiar sounds of the foam roller readjusting against the carpet, and the occasional sigh that comes after realizing you’ve been accidentally holding your breath. Plus, he hasn’t missed one night of pre-sleep rehab work in months. He isn’t going to start the night before the Ironman 70.3 World Championships.
As I think about him, I feel like someone is pressing a palm onto my sternum, squeezing the love from my heart up into my throat. The same feeling I got at 17 when I fell in love with him, and he hardly knew my name. And the similarity of this feeling floors me.
Goddammit if triathletes aren’t pains in the asses with all their gear, and endless hours of training, and the spreadsheets to keep it all straight. The inability to casually go on a hike, or spontaneously go out for french toast. Triathletes aren’t for the needy, but needy I am not. What I am is a great admirer of competence. And when it comes to competence, there is no finer study than Jesse Thomas.
The space behind the door has gone quiet. He is reading his dystopian-future novel on his iPhone and in less than three minutes he’ll be asleep.
Sometimes when I think about Jesse, I think about how I am the one that gets to know. Where his heads at. What he really thinks he’s capable of. And that not even being married to someone guarantees you this access. It is built. Constructed over the potholes, cracks, and chasms on the road to Oz. With the tools on hand. The you in progress.
But even as he sleeps he dreams of another level of possible. The kind you can’t say out loud, even if you’ve said it, because there are no words for the feelings of dreams coming true. And this dreaming will scare him awake, because who is he to dream, and there’s so many ranked ahead, and so many reasons why it won’t. But the feeling tastes too good not to just close your eyes, and let it melt.
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More on Jesse’s race on his blog.
The way you write about Jesse and his training and racing is so beautiful, Lauren. It’s obvious that you get it -an athlete’s mind, dedication, etc. It makes sense; you’re an elite athlete too. But there’s more to it. You understand the sacrifice that comes with a life devoted both to a family and to athletic pursuit, and all the unspoken possibilities that are imagined in that pursuit. Your support of Jesse is inspiring. It’s a unique glimpse into what my husband must feel as he supports my marathon training and endures the, ahem, neurosis that sometimes comes along with it. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this moment.
its not triathletes. or world championships.
she is in love. and she and jesse work to keep that feeling alive. its their secret. but how do they do it?
Lauren, This was fantastic! Thank you for sharing! As a Oregonian I feel like you both are close to home and friends! I love following your journey! Jesse will do great! Take care!
You have an incredible knack for writing. When running is done, please tell us your stories.
Lauren, I absolutely love the way you write. Your posts are so comforting and inviting and I find peace in reading about these little (or big) excerpts from your life. So, for that, I thank you for sharing! Good luck to Jesse and love to you both!
That was beautiful to read. Love ya!
Stunning, beautiful, vulnerable. …thank you
love love love your writing, thank you for sharing these thoughts with us, knowing the part of journey makes it even more incredible inspiring, world class athletes are not extraordinary people, they are ordinary people who work extraordinarily hard! I know kind of cliché but so true. and they do today or the night b4 what others wont, so they can do on worlds day what others cant. I was looking at his stats from last 2 worlds and had a weird thought I almost posted but did not want to set limits, because I am just a n average joe runner with love for people and admiration for triathletes. I thought ok, 19th, he has been killing races I bet he can get to number 12. random it was his finish, but so fantastic and amazingly courageous of a performance to get 12th at worlds. I mean 12th in the world???? I am prob saying all things you soooo aware of, I am just sitting here in poulso blown away, and have been thinking high achieving thoughts for Jesses measure in his mind, the last 2 days. you know prayers”) but ones full of gusto. signing out now, im sure celebration is in store for a lifetime performance. thank you again for sharing so much of your lives awesomeness and true real life with us, you guys are loved by masses, and me, and I appreciate your personality, and all you do more than you can ever know
That was incredible. Thank you for sharing. You take blog writing to another level. I just saw the finish photo of you and your family. Nuff said. And congrats to your husband for an incredible race in an off-the-charts field.
That’s really beautiful Lauren, it is lovely to read something which comes straight from your heart; nothing like raw honesty to make a post poetic. Jesse did a wonderful job today, congratulations to you both. Your boy is damn adorable, too.
Yes to this! You must love someone THAT MUCH to live with a triathlete. I know because I am one, and my husband has been in your shoes 🙂 I’ll have to have him read this as well. Just beautiful.
Beautiful, beautiful post, Lauren. I loved every word, especially the part of thinking and dreaming about more that is possible. xo
Lauren ,your writing is poetic ,lyrical and full of unabashed love for Jesse. You two are a team with mutual respect, mutual trust and mutual souls.
Sandra