He did it. After winning Wildflower Triathlon three times, breaking his foot, getting a screw put in his foot, beating his head against the wall trying unsuccessfully to rehab it with tons of pain, having the screw removed, and doing more physio than most people do in a lifetime, he raced. And he freaking won.
Just like that, a year went by. To the casual fan, it’s a great story with a happy ending. The year was probably pretty tough, one might say, but a year flies by in the grand scheme of things, and now the future looks bright. But I lived that year by Jesse’s side. It wasn’t 1 year. It was 365 individual days. It was 2,970 waking hours of decisions.
Decisions are the unit of measurement of the athlete. There are decisions for goals. Decisions for plans. Decisions for who to put in your inner circle. Decisions of which person to listen to when they disagree. Decisions about which thoughts you allow to rent space in your brain. Decisions for what’s true and what’s fair. Decisions to let certain things go, after deciding which things are let-go-able, and what’s not. And then there are the decisions for what to do with every hour of every day. For how to use your energy. For how much to care, or not care. How hard to push it. How much anger to feel, or pain to tolerate. How much much is too much. Or too little.
When an athlete is healthy and competing regularly, there is a natural rhythm to decisions. There is the inertia of the season to ride alongside of. A tide to swim within. Injury is an earthquake that fractures asphault roads and brings on tsunamis. For 365 days I watched Jesse make decisions with the information he had at the time, using input from his support team, navigating around road hazzards with no clear view of the horizon. And he was fucking brilliant.
The Jesse I first fell in love with was overly emotional as an athlete. Erratic. Prone to using idiotic behavior as a big F-You to the circumstances he found himself in. An injury would collapse his world, causing him to break up with me, flail in his classes, and spend copious amounts of time pounding out minor chords on the dorm basement piano. He’s grown up a lot, as one does, but in the 10 years since he broke his neck, I hadn’t seen him injured until this foot. I worried about what it would do to our family. Our business. Our marriage.
I waited at the bottom of Lynch Hill, the steep downhill concrete road that makes up the final mile of the final leg of the Wildflower Triathlon; my heart pounded violently. The announcer said Jesse was in the lead with two miles to go, and deep down I knew nothing would stop him. I walked away from the people crowding the finish line to find an open stretch of barrier where he could see Jude and me clearly before making the final turn toward victory. I wanted more than anything for him to look into my eyes. To see how proud I was, and how grateful I was for him not allowing this last year of athletic strife to erode everything else we’ve built, but instead build it with the sturdiest of stone. And when I finally saw him in the distance running toward me, the tears poured down my face. He looked at me and made a crooked smile, and touched my hand, and I felt it all, including the air he displaced running by, and I turned to watch him charging into a tunnel of screaming fans toward the finish line.
Special Thanks to all of Jesse’s sponsors who stood by him in the past year while he went through this, despite it taking way longer than anyone expected. It meant a lot to him, and to our family. The following went above and beyond and will forever be the recipient of good Fleshman/Thomas Karma:
Pearl Izumi
Specialized
Roka
Red Bull
Picky Bars
Jaybird
Rolf Prima
Power Tap
Strava
Accenture
I love the raw honesty of this recap – one who hasn’t done it can only imagine what it was like to live the ordeal out as a witness, let alone first hand! That final paragraph gave me chills and I hope he looked up and heard everything you were saying without words. Congrats Jesse. This deserves a BOOYAH for sure!
How did I leave out a BOOYAH?! Thanks Christina.
This made me teary eyed! Great Post Lauren! Great job Jesse!! Great cheers Jude! What a great team you three make!
Thanks Krystin.
Congrats to the family. Didn’t we conclude it’s much tougher to watch! 🙂
Well written & thanks for sharing.
Best,
Randy
Thanks a million Randy! And thanks for letting the entire Picky Bars crew crash at your home after Wildflower. And for everything else you did to help us unwind and spoiled. Please come visit us in Oregon with your family.
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Yep, tears. Wow. An epic ending to a story with more chapters than a Tolstoy novel. I love you guys. So happy for you. Congrats!
Thanks Birdzilla. xo
Epic indeed – a year of challenge, doubt and best guesses culminating in victory! So much for you both to draw upon should things get tough again but for now, time to celebrate!
Thats the truth. So important to enjoy the moments like these. You have to work so dang hard for them and there are no guarantees!
Love your writing. So raw and vivid. and you’re awesome. The end.
Thanks Linda.
So moving to watch Jesse finish in person. I’ve followed both your blogs over the past year and got some sense of the frustration and struggle, but to see him in tears at the finish, you could really tell how much he had gone through to get him to that day. It was really great to watch. What an accomplishment! Wishing your whole family many more moments like this in the future!
Well, we know what you can do when your professional running career has finished. Write. That was extremely well composed. Congrats to Jesse, Jude and you.
Hard work truly does pay off! I’m so glad for Jesse. What an epic journey that you guys have been on this past year. This gives me hope. I will run again, someday.
This was beautiful and made me cry. Keep paying attention to each other like you are and you’ll live a long, happy life together. So happy for you guys.
Awesome blog post L-Train!! I love seeing you guys succeed and yesterday referred to you two to my boss as my “favorite pro athlete couple” (to which she asked if I knew of more than one). You guys are really inspiring for balancing your careers and family life!
Awesome! The emotions you felt are so captured here. Emotions all to real as a coach. Made me tear up a little! Congrats to your family!
I love everything about this. Thanks for sharing!!
great post! jesse has always been one of my favs. my wife and i saw him at the accenture booth in oceanside where we chatted for a bit, then he saw us post race and stopped to chat with us again!!! that cemented his standing for sure. gotta be honest, i got pretty emotional watching jesse run down that finishing chute. then seeing your family, the picky bars crew, and everyone else celebrating at the finish line was priceless. then to celebrate with you guys at the picky bars cabin post race with a few beers, just icing on the cake! im glad we got to experience that first hand.
couldn’t be more excited for you all. here’s to the future! we’ll be out there supporting and cheering for you!!!
Best blog ever! Thanks for sharing. I was hoping to hear Hey Jude at the finish. Did they really play it?
I worked as a volunteer at Wildflower this past weekend and hoped I’d get the chance to me you or Jesse. I saw you from afar a couple of times but I never had time to leave the transitions area where I was working. I could hear them playing “Hey Jude” though, that was freaking awesome!
Yours and Jesse’s story is a huge inspiration and I’m so glad you are willing to share it with all of us 🙂
“Decisions are the unit of measurement of the athlete.” I’ve never heard anything so true.
Wow, what an emotionally raw blog. That was fantastic to read even through teary eyes! One of the best blogs I’ve read in a long long time.
Very cool write-up. As much as I love reading race reports that include pace, nutrition, strategy and all the other nerdy tri-stuff, you really captured me with the other and sometimes ugly side of injury and being a professional athlete. Very enlightening – thank you for giving us a glimpse of the ups and downs!
Congrats Jesse!
I knew the ups and downs you guys went through so to have this be the end result to Jesse’s 365 day journey could not have been scripted anymore perfect to make you still believe in dreams. Love you guys!
Really cool recap. I was almost there when he crossed….I actually was up near the top of Lynch, when I heard one of the peeps at the last aid station say, the first runner is 5 minutes away. I was one of the last mtb triathletes and thought, holy crap Jesse is going to pass me while I’m still on the bike, nooooooo!!! So I turned it on and headed down Lynch faster than I had ever ridden. When I was in transition for my run, I heard them announce that Jesse had won for the 4th time. All I could do is smile… so very cool!! 🙂
Beautiful, beautiful, thought-provoking piece. To see someone grapple with something that is so difficult, that so fundamentally challenges what they want to do with their life, how they see themselves and that they want to shape their future with – and then to see them handle it, and deal with it, and find their way through this in a way that is real work for them – this is incredible. For Jesse, and for Jude and yourself. You are all incredible and inspiring – thank you for sharing this with us!
Beautifully honest and beautifully written post! Thanks for sharing your emotions and your year with us. xo
Lauren this is honest, poignant superb writing .You have the ability to share your deepest emotions in a poetic form. What struck me was as Jesse was running towards you, in his wholeness, that you were an integral part of the victory-the victory of a triumphant spirit that you both share.
As your Dad’s life wane and his race comes to an end, he knows he has given you a solid foundation ,as the first man you loved .Jesse has proved that as your husband, he will continue to build a solid structure with you , to give that same foundation to Jude .The love you all share is palpable and you will continue as team players/ partners in this magnificent journey of life. I am so blessed to have met you and how you both continue to enrich my life.
Sandra
I was at Wildflower, up near the top of Lynch cheering for long course all day. It was awesome when we all saw what a big lead Jesse had on the next guy during the run. So amazing to witness such a great race by great athletes. And, knowing the year he has had makes it all the more amazing. I’ve had my issues with Long Course at Wildflower (2 DNF’s never finished) and seeing him come back from everything this past year is truly an inspiration to me. I will go back to Wildflower Long Course and I will finish it. I won’t let those mental demons get in the way. Knowing everyone has them reminds me that I can get over them too. Congratulations to Jesse and you and your family! Such a great recap.
I cried when I read this! The honest account from an athlete and wife is a true reflection of howwe support our partners as companions and a friend. Thanks so much for sharing! I’m recovering from a challenging surgery and am thrilled and inspired by his recovery. Its also great to read another wifes perspective, as my husbandry and I are both athletes. Big congratulations for his achievements!
Wow! Reading this with tears running down my face. I can’t imagine what that day was like for you. Incredible finish to what must have been a very tough year. Thanks for the real and honest post. Here’s to many more victories for both you and Jesse!
Cried. Really. Emotional and amazing. And shows true strength in your marriage. It could make or break anyone. I’ve been there with my then ex husband who broke both wrists playing basketball for fun and was a miserable patent a nd miserable to his family. It wa a tough road and we had made it through but I was definitely hurt by that year too. So in your case that’s even harder as its your life and both your professions. Amazing and heartfelt. Touched my heart. Congrats!!!
Congrats!!! Nice to read a piece that comes from the heart like this one did!
Unbelievable! Watching/reading throughout the year as a Crazy Ass Fan (from Texas) and so moving. Keep up the good work on all fronts and the Karma will continue.
Holy amaze-balls. I just cried. That was so powerful and raw and honest.
And real. Way to sum up 365 days in a blog post. Rock on Fleshman/Thomas family!
Congrats.
xx Johanna
Well now I am in tears! Thank you for sharing this Lauren! I am one half of a triathlete couple… and I am the uninjured half. We also work together at the family business… and It’s been SO hard to watch him be sidelined by injury, but I can’t wait to see him take back his Finish line like Jesse did! You two are an inspiration in the way you love and support each other! Blessings to you!
Congrats!! That is so exciting! What a beautiful and heartfelt post. I have been injured for going on 3 years now (foot issues), and have daily ups and downs over my situation. This gives me hope that I will come out the other side and be able to get back to where I once was, if not surpass it. Made me a little misty.
Wow, that’s impressive! Congrats!
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