Opening Ceremonies: The View From the Bench
July 27th, 2012 | 
Author: Well it’s finally here. The long awaited Olympic Games have officially opened for business in London. For the past four weeks since the trials, I’ve been able to maintain with amazing effectiveness my positive attitude using three simple tricks: ignore, ignore, and ignore.
So how am I doing now?
I’m not going to lie to you. Not so good.
Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to life, I have a great one, and making the Olympics wouldn’t have changed my life. People on the outside often think it does, but it doesn’t. I’ve seen enough of my friends make teams to know that most people who go to the Olympics perform average or poorly, and leave unsatisfied with a bunch of great photos and new Ralph Lauren outfits that, like Hawaiian shell necklaces, don’t seem to look as good outside of their native habitat.
The problem isn’t my mind; it’s my damn heart. Unlike past years, I feel in my heart that I belong there. That mass of smooth muscle that normally pumps oxygen and life and ambition through me is now swollen, pressing against my bony runners’ sternum, pulsing, making it hard to breathe. And though I haven’t cried (yet), my very blood feels pregnant with salty tears.
How’s that for depressing?
Jesus, Fleshman. Pull yourself together!
At least that’s what I tell myself every couple hours when my Olympic ignore tactics are again foiled by coverage of the Opening Ceremonies. Not that I’m watching it. I’m not ready for that. But the guy next to me on the plane has his newspaper open to an article about it. The TV monitors at my airline gate flash images to go with the closed captions that I can’t help but involuntarily read. My twitter feed is full of Polo dress-up photos and stupidly awesome views from Olympic Village balconies. It’s enough to vomit on myself in public, and yet I abstain. I only brought three dresses to Honolulu with me and I don’t want to waste my valuable beach time in a laundromat.
The part that bothers me is that it bothers me. I want to be able to separate the Olympic Games from my own (failed) ambition. I don’t want to be some crotchety bitter casualty of the Olympic Dream, making fun of everyone’s Opening Ceremony outfits. I want to be a fan of the sport.
But is that realistic?
One would hope, and yet every time I try to come up with a strategy, I revert to my old high school teen angst self to cope. Then, I revise the strategy to match a fully functioning adult with a big life in front of her.
Example:
What do you do when someone you are competitive with wins a medal and achieves your dream?
Teen me: Naturally you make up a fantasy in your mind about that person’s life falling apart after the Games are over, checking into rehab for an addiction to diet pills after gaining 150 pounds from a twinkie addiction that resulted from too many years of dietary self-sacrifice.
Adult me: No dammit! You are happy for them!
You get the picture. The scenarios are endless.
I can’t possibly prepare for everything I might feel, and I can’t go back in time to my friend-filled collage-covered high school room with my teenage friends and cover up all my hurt with cattiness and jokes. My choices are simply to avoid the Olympic Games altogether, or to suck it up and deal with it. Like an adult. Like a person with plenty of dreams to chase and goals to achieve who happens to have a scarred and swollen heart.
___________________________________________________________
Any jokes posted below to cope will be read, and laughed at, although naturally I’ll deny having a relationship with you in public if asked.
In seriousness though, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your words of support the past few months on ALF, twitter, and facebook. I’ll write more on this later, but I never would have made it to the starting line at the trials, much less the finish line without you. If I haven’t personally replied, please know that I appreciate your words more than you know.
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116 Responses to “Opening Ceremonies: The View From the Bench”
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Dear Lauren,
Although you do not know me, my daughter has been inspired by you for many years. She too was a Canyon High XC athlete graduated in 2005 after you and Alysia. The impact you have made with so many young women in your shirt lifetime is wonderful. You are and always be an Olympian in our hearts! Your dedication to your sport is awesome. Just making the trials and worlds is a feat only held by few! You are and always will be a champion and no one can ever take that away from you. We were all watching your trials. You could of given up but you have never been a quitter. Your biggest fan Dave DeLong was very proud of you up in Eugene. When he dropped Jakie off at my house upon their return he informed me when I asked about you, that you were going to be OK! I can’t physically feel your pain but I know that in that wonderful heart of yours you will find a way to manage your emotions! It ‘s Okay to scream cry and be angry! Your heart will heal, and once again you will run and continue to contribute to womens sports in one way or another. Jessica and Jo Jo look up to you. Lisa is in awe of you always. You have fans and supporters in this world that love you and want to be just like you! A ” CHAMPION ” . So take however long of a rest and vacation you need. Lay out on the Hawaiian sand” watch the sunset, where your dresses. Take a deep breathe and then turn that TV on. When I watch, I will see you in that track crossing the finish line first. You will always have shiny gold bling. Your a true winner in our hearts no matter what! Sending hugs from me, my daughter Stephanie and my Jacob Delong! He is also my inspiration. Dave and Lisa allowed me to care for him when he was going thru treatment like Justin did. Jakie boy calls me his other mom! It’s time for you to start your family. And we know you will be back again to give it another shot!!!! Smile Lauren!! Your fan always,
Mona Hoffman
Lauren, thanks for your gratious reply to my harsh, and in hindsight not so gracious post. First, I, of course have never come remotely close to the Olympics, and don’t understand the pain related to having a chance and not making the team. Second, you have every right to feel the way you do, and for me to question your patriotism for simply being honest was unfair. Anyway, I certainly may compartmentalize pain more quickly, but that’s no reason for me not to feel empathy and mind my manners (and it’s probably not healthier in the long run). I do hope you can overcome the loss, and have a chance to enjoy the Games. Apologies, and thanks again for being so gratious and honest. Happy Running
Al
There’s an Olympics going on? Can’t be bothered right now. Too busy with my 10 miles per week plus swim breaks training regimine. Big plans to bust 16 minutes this winter.
Lauren,
You are always so gutsy with your honesty….true courage from the heart of a true champion. We all have our scars….they heal but never completely disappear….wishing you peace and happiness as you continue on…
Kathy
Lauren,
Watching you race, and bounce back from injuries, has long been an inspiration. Your 2010 US Nationals win in the 5,000 was a thing of beauty, and the two interviews you gave after so nicely summed up the essence of sport: the famous on-track “balls” line capturing the in-the-moment guts and desire needed to succeed, while the long, more reflective Flotrack interview showed the longer term work needed and obstacles that have to be overcome to find success. After injuries again slowed you after that, is was wonderful to see you bounce back with a sub-15 5,000 and then a 7th place finish at worlds. Your honesty and openness about your struggles and doubts and how you worked through them were incredibly motivating for me, and surely many, many others, who’ve had to fight back from injuries and get their racing back on pace.
After that big finish at worlds, it seemed you were set to have a big 2012, and it really was saddening to see you stuck with injuries shutting down your training at the worst possible time. If there’s one small silver lining, it’s that if anyone is together enough to stay positive after such a dream-crushing run of bad luck, it is you. Training at an elite level, you’ve managed to simultaneously put together two businesses, run a website, fight to improve livelihoods for professional runners (the logo restrictions issue), and spread positive, healthy messages about running, eating, training, and living to all levels of runner all over the world. For all your running talent, perhaps even greater is your ability to write so well about the struggles and successes of life as an elite athlete, and how the rest of us can apply the lessens you’ve learned to our own training and lives. This is a rare gift! You have a wonderful marriage, a ton of fans, and opportunities galore for the taking. I can only offer my sympathies on what must be the incredible pain of missing out on your olympic dream, but seeing how well you’ve bounced back from previous disappointments, I am sure that fresh triumph, in one arena or another, is just around the corner. Stay happy, stay positive, stay strong, Lauren. The world needs more people like you!
Chuck
Hawaii, solid move. And yet you’ve come back with more generous insight for us to ponder. A runner I coach went to the NXN meet and got your autograph for me last December. Your perspectives have been invaluable in my preparation to help the kids I coach. Your posts are even required annotated readings at times. Thanks Again for writing even when it is difficult.
Now Freakin’ enjoy Paradise will you? I’ll probably have to die to get to those islands as the joke goes!
Lauren,
I have been torn about watching the Olympics myself. For the first time in my life, I found myself excited – mainly for the running events. But I always think of you and how I wish you were living your dream and I could cheer you on. And I feel a little guilty.
I have no doubt you will be involved in the next Olympics if you want to.
You are talented in so many diverse areas. I think you should write a book someday.
Hang in there girl!
Kim
Unfortunately at age 30, you’re going to need to adjust your training to be consistent.
Paula Radcliffe didn’t adjust and was constantly injured. Her not running in London was almost a foregone conclusion. If you still care about running and competition then you may have totally reset your mind as to what you think is the necessary training. In working with runners over the years, the toughest challenge has been to get them to see not only what they can do day after day but what they will do. That then becomes their training plan. True recovery and avoidance of workouts that injures a runner becomes the core. It is different for everyone.
just have a baby. that’s what i’m doing. ok, so i wasn’t on the verge of making the olympic team, but i had my own ambitious running goals (2:46 marathon). i got close (sub 3), but wasn’t there and i had to make a decision. keep putting off a family (i’m 32) to chase an arbitrary goal or do something else that’s also a lifelong dream.
so, now i’m plodding along at a 8:30 pace (if i’m lucky) and stopping to pee every three miles instead of training for a fall marathon.
maybe the baby goal isn’t for you, right now, but your life is full of goals and dreams. don’t be ashamed or afraid to concentrate on those either. after all, a day will come when i’ll no longer set PRs, but my son/daughter will always be my child.
My dream is to become an elite runner. I am only in high school right now, but i want to train and eat like a pro. How do i do this as a high schooler!!?? I need help, Lauren! I always look up to you and your words. You handle everything so well, success and failure. You are an inspiration to all!
,
Lauren wanabe
Mary
Lauren,
Thanks for posting this. Of course you were going to feel this way at the Olympics. As someone who is still battling recalcitrant IT Band syndrome (& I had lengthening surgery in 2009), I can relate to your situation more than we both care to…I had to pull out of IM Lake Placid this summer (my 1st full IM), but still chose to vacation out there. After reading your blog, at least now I feel a little better about crying when I drove through the village Fri before the race. And that night, a melt down in the grocery store, seeing everyone in compression socks & registered wrist bands! I will say that you inspire me. After the year you had, watching you on TV actually race the final in the Trials (awesome), it makes me think there’s hope for me. So while you didn’t get to run in London (which sucks), you’re still doing a lot of good for others out here, and yourself. I hope that helps a little. And I know that someday, we’ll both be evil-ITB free for good (I’m hoping you already are!!). There’s always 2016 & everything in between… BTW, my coworker Eric Davis sent me your blog. He transferred from Beaverton to the East Coast, & he’s waiting for me to join lunch runs with his posse someday. I think you might know him personally, but if not, never mind, lol. Anyway, keep kicking ass. You rock.
Hey Lauren
Hang in there and KNOW you are truly an inspiration to many women runners out there. I work late shifts and did not know you were unable to get to the games in London until today. After all your hard work and training that must be very difficult to cope with. YOU are a hero to many of us, games or no games.
YOU are an incredible athlete and will rebound from this setback. We are there to support you all the way lady, so no worries. I will continue to think positive thoughts of during my 5K training runs. take care!!!
Tracie
Aloha Lauren,
The games are now done and now people are thinking onto 2016. I am hoping you are starting to feel better and moving on as well. You would like the running book More Fire. It is inspiring to runners and so are YOU. I am running today in your honor and hope somewhere out in Aloha land you are resting up and thinking of your next trail run or beach run….live each day with More Fire.
Hey Lauren…
Since my families’ trials experience, was wondering how to express what witnessing your performance meant…as a dad of an aspiring HS cross runner, know that your 48 hrs at the trials represents all the good of our sport. Your willing your way into the finals…your gutting it thru the final itself and your comforting of your teammate Julia Lucas when you could have easily been thinking of yourself. You may not have been deemed an Olympian in name, but in deed ur Gold. Wherever you’re future takes you, know that you have been an inspiration here. We will always be LF fans. Regards always from Heyward Sec U
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