Normally on New Years Eve I am itching to change the calendar over. It’s not a fresh start thing, or a resolutions thing. It’s not so much the addition of new things at all. It’s more like the freshening up of old things.
Every New Year’s Day I set out driving my shiny, efficient, glory bound race car, and then over the year I pick up some tumbleweeds in the chassis, six thousand varieties of insects in the grill, bird crap on the windshield, mildewy leaves in the window seals, clay layered under the wheel wells, and an overall layer of dust as thick as frosting you simply can’t resist sliding a finger across. The car is still running, but by the end of the year I can’t wait to get it serviced, lubed, and detailed.
But this year is different. New Years is happening right now…the ball just dropped in New York in fact. I don’t feel like I need a big freshening up. Not in the usual way. I hardly drove the car in 2013. It’s hard to pick up debris at 15 miles per hour.
For 10 years I had the same job: professional runner. I had the same cyclical pattern of training and competition. The same periods of exhaustion and vitality. But in 2013 everything changed. I left Nike. I joined up with Oiselle. I moved to Bend. Jesse and I had a baby. I got my first writing gig with Runner’s World (The Fast Life). I made new friends. I became a sponge for the things a business owner should know. I flirted with fashion. I helped start a women’s pro running team. I started coaching. I assembled a world class support crew and hit the trails. I raced cross country again. My life is fucking awesome, to be perfectly honest. I don’t need to detail the car.
Exactly one year ago today, I was in a bar called Mutiny Hall in Seattle, WA. Sally Bergesen, Oiselle’s CEO and Founder, was singing a rockabilly duet in a black leather dress with her husband, Alec, and everyone was cheering them on. I had just been announced as part of their team. I was glowing, excited. Jesse was there with me. My close family and friends nearby. The room was packed with friendly strangers and I knew that many of them would soon become friends. My heart felt full to the point of exploding; it was difficult to take a full breath.
Sometimes it feels like the world conspires to bring you to a particular place at a particular moment in time. I felt that way then, and one year later, I still do. A big part of me doesn’t want #Lucky13 to end.
Another part of me is scared for the future. There are things that are going to happen this coming year that weigh on me. My dad, Frank…he is going to die. There will be no bucket list to tackle or last minute trip to feel the ocean on his feet, like in the movies he spent his life building sets for. He will continue to slowly slip away with liver cancer. It might be too big to imagine or fully feel right now, but I know I will have to feel it. All of it.
There’s not much more to say other than I’m so grateful for my life. All of it. There are things coming that will be hard; things coming that will be beautiful; opportunities that will escape my butterfly net no matter how hard I chase, and others that will chase me. And like every other year, there will be things that happen that my wildest imagination could never invent, and that’s what keeps me turning the pages. Life isn’t perfect, but things don’t need to be perfect to be cherished.
From my family to yours, Happy New Year.
-Lauren
Special thanks to my family and friends and support crew for helping me with so many things. To our community back in Eugene for giving us such a great send off and continued support. To Jesse for being my hero. To Dr. Vroniak, Gina, and Tabitha for safely delivering Jude into the world. To my teammates for making running exciting again. To Runner’s World for employing me for something besides just fast times. To Picky Bars for connecting me to so many interesting people by way of their stomachs. And to my sponsors: Oiselle, 110% Compression, ElliptiGo, and REP Rebound, my deepest thanks for standing beside me this year. Finally, to my homeboys and readers at ALF, thank you for reading, commenting, sharing, and saying hello when our paths cross. I’ll do my best to keep the stories coming. Your fan cards are letter pressed, hand stamped, and coming your way in January. Thanks for being patient while I got my act together!
Always a good read!
Oh Lauren, I feel ya on the parent with cancer front 🙁 But it has been such an amazing year. Life is so bittersweet (‘specially when you become a parent), hang on and enjoy the ride – can’t wait to live vicariously through all of your amazing adventures to come. Happy New Year to you and yours!
As always, I love your posts. You are talented in so many ways. I love that you admit that you life is fucking awesome. I’d think a lot of people don’t have the balls to put that out in the universe. Your attitude is inspiring.
Sorry to hear about your Dad. Nothing anyone can say can fix the inevitable pain of the loss. And that blows. But you have a huge family to lean on…even the strongest birds need to land every now and again.
Here’s to a great 2014. Head up, wings out.
Lauren, Congratulations on an amazing Lucky 2013 and the feeling of arriving at 2014 with peace and gratitude. There might not be any better wish for a person’s life than to change over each year just like you have. You will accomplish all of your known and unknown goals in 2014 and you will surely see the beauty of a life growing daily and a life slipping away. Both are important, remember to feel it all, and remember to keep up the gratitude – it will keep you glowing and flying! Thanks for being an inspiration!
Catherine
Prayers for you and your Dad.
Grateful that our paths crossed briefly in Boston.
You are prolific in your writing and I love reading everything you write. I think it is mostly because you are honest. You write how you feel, pretty much unfiltered. It is raw, true and filled with emotion, good or bad. This year will probably be a year of ups and downs for you. I have watched both my parents slip away from disease and it is extremely painful. But you will find peace, at some point. I know your concern is Jude (as it is for me regarding my own boys) and you will be able to share your dad with Jude as he grows. He will know your dad, almost as well as you did. Your ability to share yourself will transfer to how you share your dad with Jude. That honesty, truthfulness, and rawness will give Jude that relationship to his grandpa. I wish your dad, you and your whole family comfort during a time where that almost seems impossible.
Laughed, thought provoked & moved to tears in 1 read….JimmyV would be proud. Best wishes to you and the family in 2014. Cheers!
I hope your dad’s passing is peaceful and that you also find peace in your loss. Happy New Year and thank you for everything you do for the sport and the running community.
Amazing year girlfriend. So honored to be a part of it. No matter what the future holds, we got your back for the ups, downs, and in-betweens – but I’m guessing 2014 will be another stunner. Big love from the nest!
What resonated with me about your post was not just the amount of change you had in #lucky13 but the way you dealt with the change. Ever so positive. I applaud your willingness to surrender the status quo for the hope of something better. I also congratulate you for dealing with difficult changes you did not chose, like your father’s illness. I wish you and you family the best for 2014.
Beautiful, honest post. Congrats on such a great 2013. I’m sure it is only just the beginning of lots more awesome things to come. xo
Cancer sucks. And you are amazing — so inspiring and entertaining!! Strength and hugs to you and your family this year.
This moved me to tears. You are such an inspiration and a paragon of strength. I am so sorry to hear that your dad is sick and I lend you support from afar in getting through the tough times (and beautiful times) ahead. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it and thank you for your willingness to be beautifully vulnerable. Your writing changes lives, I’m sure of it.
Lauren you are simply amazing! Not to mention an incredible writer….your post and blogs are one of the few I actually take the time to slow down for still because you keep it real yet poetic….Happy New Year!
Tracy
Thanks for sharing — beautiful.
One piece of unsolicited advice from someone who lost her father to cancer as well — don’t forget that in the midst of the worst sadness there can be moments of breathtaking beauty and laughter. They often arrive at the strangest moments, but they do exist and deserve to be enjoyed.
Lauren-
I love your blog because it is a treat to get to know you. I am sorry to hear about your dad. You have such good insight. My Aunt passed away this past July from brain cancer. She was diagnosed in May and things happened fast. I ran my first 26.2 June 2 and dedicated my run to her. It gave running a little more meaning than it ever had before. Since she passed, I wear a T-shirt I had made that says 4Patty (my Aunt’s name) on it during all of my road races. Its so nice to hear the crowds say “go Patty”. It brings tears to my eyes and makes me dig a little deeper. I saw what she battled through and it made me think- if she can battle cancer, I can endure this race pain and run a little harder. I feel like she lives on in my running, and that makes my heart soar. The pain of losing her is never gone and I still break down from time to time. But I wanted to let you know that there is nothing better than honoring your loved one by being your best, doing your best, and meeting life’s challenges head on. I’m sure he will always be proud of you. Take care, Sarah
I am so incredibly sorry about your dad.
Hi Lauren, are you going to run the Waterfront 10 miler this year that you ran last year? I assume you ran it mostly as a fun run type thing last year and was wondering if you’d be there again this year because it was definitely cool to see you!
Whoops just saw this! Nope, I wasn’t there :). Hope it went well! No SF trips for a few more months for me!
Oh Lauren, I am so sorry about your Dad. It is so hard. But you are strong and have a great support system. And a new baby boy. It’s corny but it is kind of like that corny movie, “Terms of Endearment.” Life goes on. A time to live and a time to die. God bless you and your family
Beautiful reflection and preview of the year to come. Enjoy the moments and memories ahead, including those that will be bittersweet.
(It wasn’t until I reached the afterword that I realized I was eating a PB while reading this.)
That was such a beautiful post… <3
Thank you for this poignant and honest reflection. You touched a cord with everyone that has lost a parent to cancer, who understand how you can juggle immense gratitude and joy with the heartbreaking knowledge that you are about to lose someone you love. Thinking about you and your dad today and wishing you both peace and strength.
Dear Lauren,
Thank you so much for being honest with us and for sharing your life through words. I live in Singapore, and I got the fan card all the way from Bend, Oregon. I had no idea it was coming, and when I opened that envelope, my heart just sang and I was grinning from ear to ear.
Thank you for taking the time to support us too, especially with your words. They’ve lifted me up with encouragement and perspective at all times.
Wishing you and your family peace and love.
Yukiha
Hi Lauren, I’m sorry to hear about your dad and thank you for being so open about your journey ahead. I’m wishing you all the best in 2014!
Great blog…
Grate post. Well written.
Great post, thanks for sharing.
Thinking of you and your Dad during this tough time. 🙂
I have been reading your blog because of your “keeping it real” pictures and I just wanted to leave a little comment here. Your 2013 sounds AWESOME. Mine was the complete opposite. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of 2013 and spent the whole year having surgeries, chemo etc. It’s funny how two people can have such different journeys on the same year. I am really sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my mum to cancer in 2001 and it’s really hard 🙁 I had just had a new baby too.
Anyway – I”m glad you had an awesome year and I wish you many many more! And I was VERY happy to turn the calendar page to 2014!
I am
En réalité, j’ai eu très peur en ouvrant la première page car mon prénom était le titre du premier chapire. Et je suis rousse. Etonnante jolie coïncidence je dirais. Je n’ai pas tout à fait fini de lire votre livre mais je m&r8s17;inté#es2e à vous, j’aimerais savoir qui est cet homme devenu fanatique. En tous cas, je dévore les pages du livre, vous sublimez les rousses et c’est magnifique.