Whenever I’m in Phoenix, I think about going up to Flagstaff and visiting my buddy (and Picky Bars partner) Stephanie Rothstein, but it never happens. The drive is over two hours each way, I usually only have 24-36 hours to visit between ART appointments with Dr. Ball, and besides, I’m in Arizona on the serious business of getting well. While fun, allowing a car to press me into a panini two days in a row is not conducive to healing.
Stars aligned last week when I was in Phoenix and I got to visit her after all. We were both seeing Dr. Ball on Wednesday and he was leaving for a four-day trip so I wouldn’t be getting any treatment for a while.
Steph’s pitch: “You don’t have to drive; you can stay with me since Ben’s out of town. I’ve got access to an ElliptiGo, pool, gym, anything you need,” she said. “You’ve got an ART appointment with Kym on Friday morning and a massage with Monica on Friday night. My brother will drive you back to Phoenix on Saturday.”
In typical Steph style, in five minutes she had my whole life sorted in Flagstaff better than I can manage in my own hometown. The chick is an organizer with a capital O! Of course I feel totally guilty because SHE is the one with the Olympic Trials in 10 days and she’s looking after ME. But that’s just how she rolls. Next thing you know we are driving to Flagstaff baby!
Rewind to 2008
Any time I hang out with Steph, I feel better about the world. When I met her in 2008, we were both injured strangers cross training in this crappy apartment complex “gym” on ancient, neighboring spin bikes.

Steph uses visual cues and reminders to get herself in the frame of mind to be successful. Her apartment is like the most positive place on Earth.
After some neighborly small talk, Steph busts out a doozie: She’s going to be an Olympian in the marathon in 2012. As in, “Hi, I’m Steph. I’m going to be an Olympian in four years.” I stare at her waiting for the punch line. At the time, she was quite good (2:40 marathon) but she was off the radar. There were lots of women at her current level, she had no contract and little support, no health insurance, she was cleaning houses for extra cash, she was totally injured, and yet she said it like it was a fact. Not just any fact but a FACT, underlined with barbed wire and surrounded by an electric fence.
I had just missed the 2008 Olympic Team by one spot and was suffering a navicular injury that may or may not heal right. I was struggling just to get my ass on the bike in the first place thinking, “Will I ever be good again? What’s the point?” I was simultaneously licking and picking at my wounds and here comes Steph with a busted back and a huge grin talking about how she is going to be an Olympian. I couldn’t decide if I admired her or wanted to smack her with my spin bike’s broken handlebar.
She told me that the only way to make a goal happen was to say it out loud. Still singed from my dream going down in flames, I tried to caution her about making her career all about one goal or she might end up viewing her career as a waste if it doesn’t work out (like I was doing). Next thing you know we’re debating the merits and risks of making specific, bold goals. I still don’t know how she did it, but somehow her raw optimism and passion penetrated my thickened armor and the fighter in me ever-so-subtly stirred.
“I used to be like her,” I thought to myself. “Can I allow myself to be that way again?”
I decided I liked her. The rest of the hour flew by with story telling and joking around and within five minutes of post-workout stretching, she had organized our next four hangouts. Capital O style. I’m the type of person who blows from place to place saying things like “Whoopsie! How’d I get to the grocery store? Hmmm…well while I’m here…what do I want for dinner in 45 minutes?” Now I had an insta-friend that cracked me up who liked to organize?! With a facilitator among us, we might actually get to hang out!
And hang out we did. We watched dollar movies, went wine tasting, danced to Mylie Cyrus in the car (against my better musical judgement), started Picky Bars together, and just generally supported one another. We had the goofiness and vulnerability of high school BFF’s, and it was awesome.
In 2010, Steph reached a dead end in Eugene athletically, and made the tough choice of moving away from everything and everyone she loved to train in Flagstaff, Arizona with Greg McMillan. It was a really hard decision based PURELY on chasing her dreams and once again, her passion both scared and inspired me.
Now as we rolled into her driveway in Flagstaff, Steph was the picture of confidence and fulfillment. Her choice to move to Flag had taken her from pretty good to truly great: a 2:29 marathoner with a legitimate chance of being an Olympian. She was the type of athlete she told me she would be back in 2008.
As we hung out, I tried to play it cool, but she was like this turbo powered Native American dream catcher or something; in her presence you felt anything was possible. She was fit, healthy, beautiful…the spark in her eye made you consider wearing flame resistant clothing for God’s sake. I really felt like it was going to happen and all I could think about was that day on the spin bikes when she got me to start believing again.
Reality
Steph’s dream didn’t come true. Last weekend at the Olympic Trials in Houston, on her birthday, she ran 23 miles of the Olympic Trials and had to drop out due to pain in her hip. In her words, “My biggest dream suddenly turned into my biggest nightmare.” I was following twitter updates (since some genius network decided it wasn’t worth playing the race live) and when I heard the news, something cracked and then splintered inside my chest. My heart ached for her. I cried on and off for two days. I cried for her and for Amy Hastings and Deena Kastor and Magda and Dathan and Brett. And I cried for myself because I’m injured and struggling to get myself into the pool every day and the girl that stirred my armored heart four years ago has just realized what I’ve known for four years:
There is a Herculean price to pay for making yourself vulnerable to a dream.
It’s so nice to hear about Stephanie as a friend – it makes her more a real person to me than just a news story. I’m so sad that she had to drop out. That story left me with a lump in my throat. You girls are very tough and inspirational. I know both of you will come out of all your trials better than ever. btw – I have a big stash of Picky Bars waiting to be consumed when mtn bike season starts up again. love you girls!!!
Thanks Cynthia for your comment. I appreciate it. As for Picky Bars, even when I’m not training much, they make a really great mid morning snack. My other favorite way to eat one is with an afternoon coffee (instead of that scone or muffin). 🙂
We have followed Steph and Ben for many years at Santa Barbara, Cal Poly, Olympic trails in both Sacramento and Eugene and we were hoping to make it to Houston! We live in the Sacramento area and our house was the stopping point for their many drives from Eugene to San Diego.Through the years we have shared and enjoyed many dinners chatting about goals and dreams of the Olympics and we so admire both of them and their dedication and perseverance through all the set-backs of injuries, health issues, coaches, sponsorships, etc. They truly are a special couple and even though Houston was a huge disappointment for Steph, we have no doubt that the experience will only strenghten her as a person and runner. Both she and Ben will continue to inspire and give people much joy! Love you guys and am always in your corner, Wendy
P.S. Love your picky bars!! Used them as stocking stuffers this year! 🙂
LF, been said already but, well-written piece! My heart goes out to all of the marathon trials runners whose dreams were not realized in Houston. Truly disappointing, no doubt. I would like to say that, as a normal human, what you elite runners do is TRULY amazing to me and I am inspired to be a better recreational runner because of it! Living and running in Eugene gives me the opportunity to get passed frequently by you elites and, oddly enough, while you all are chatting and I am sucking wind hard, I am inspired to try harder, run farther, faster, etcetera. So thanks to all you elite runners. Never understimate the impact you may have on another person. You inspire me and many others I am sure!
(P.S. Your bars rock!)
I’ve been reading your blog and checking out your website since October (You were on the cover of runners world, so I checked out your website). Well written – I love it! I just started running and racing last spring. It took me until my 30s to discover running. I’ve entered a couple marathons this year, so I’m going to get that journal, I think, to help with my training. I’m sorry to hear about your troubles this new year and wish you the best.
Lauren, funny story for you about Stephanie. I was at the Boston Grand Prix this past weekend and Stephanie sat next to me. I had read this article when you posted it but didnt realize that I was sitting next to Stephanie. We chatted a bit as she cheered on Ben and others. She gave me some great advice as we shared Marathon struggles, as I fell out of Chicago last year with 1/2 mile to go. I saw her eating a bar and I asked her if she ever tried Picky Bars. I felt a little stupid when she asked if I was kidding and proceeded to let me know who she was and that you and her were best friends and she was a co-founder. She then gave me a picky bar that she had, which was very delicious!! Anyways, she seemed very positive about her come back and she was really cool to talk to. Good Luck with your comeback! you are strong and will be back soon!!
Hey! Keep up the good work. That was a fascinating article.
I am totally dsetusgid with the lords decision to knock out jessica she is a natural dorithy and i am so dissapointed with the public they voted off the two best contestants i live in ireland so i can’t vote it’s such a shame. If i could my vote would definetly go to jessica and all my friends and family’s votes as well and we would have gone to London to see the show but not now we have lost interest. Please pass on this email to jessica and let her know she is a star and she will be a bigger star than any one of the dorothys you show them girl.
Had this newsletter flagged in my inbox and could NOT have picked a better time to re-read this post. It’s less than a week before goal race and I’m having a tough time sorting through the bipolar “I’M SO READY FOR THIS LET IT BE RACE DAY NOW!” and “omg, it’s here i’m not ready for this omg.”
Reading about Steph’s attitude and what it did for you was really what I needed to hear right now. Making and declaring huge goals is scary, but we can’t let the fear of failure keep us from doing great things.
So thanks for (unintentionally) righting my crazy taper mind. Wishing you a speedy recovery and will be cheering for you in June!
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