Yep, its 4:30am and I am dressed for the airport, looking like poop on a stick. How did I get this way? It was only 8 hours ago that I was sprinting to victory in the USA Championships for the 5k, and for some strange reason, referencing male genitalia on live television (twice) as the explanation for my finishing tactics.
So what have I been doing since that wonderful moment I’ll never forget? Partying my face off in downtown Des Moines until the bouncers throw me out for table dancing in my bun huggers?
Nope.
Not even close.
I’ll take you through my night, while I wait in the lobby for my ride to the airport, since I sure as hell can’t seem to sleep.
8:29 pm:
Feel as though someone poured a bathtub full of joy over my body as I break the finish line tape and outstretch my arms in celebration.
8:29 pm + 10 seconds:
Drop to my knees in absolute agony as my body FREAKS OUT, overwhelmed with pain in my lungs, stomach, back, and head. Remain there making embarrassing noises for a little bit with cameras in my face. All I can think is “I bet I sound like that lady from the news on youtube who falls off the stage while squishing grapes with her feet and moans like a dead animal. This is karma for how hard I laughed at her and for forwarding the link to everyone I know.”
8:31:
Force myself back onto wobbly legs while seeing stars.
8:32-8:35:
As TV cameras wait patiently, I try to pull myself together for an interview, but its way way way harder than its ever been to get my head straight.
8:35: Too worn out to censor a single word, I explain my race to the cameras in a way that would make my Dad beam (from the time I was 6 and cliff jumping into rivers, he told his buddies I had balls the size of Texas).
8:37-8:40:
Try to stay on the infield to cheer on my OTC teammates in the mens 5k, only to get kicked off the track. Meanwhile, chug down 4 bottles of water and powerade in anticipation of my upcoming urine test I will need to perform.
8:41:
Ask some random person to use their cellphone to call my husband, and the call is unsuccessful (since I accidentally call my own cellphone).
8:42-9:00ish:
Head under the stands for post race interviews, which was a total trip. People have a lot of questions! It was totally exhausting.
9:00:
Get a gold medal and a moving ovation. Finally I’m recovered enough to enjoy the moment, and for the first time, it starts to sink in that I’ve won.
9:02-9:10:
Get escorted by a doping control officer along the outside lane of the track to a far tunnel that leads to drug testing. Stop and sign autographs on ticket stubs, t-shirts, programs, and body parts, and even get solicited by a financial planner, to whom I replied “My income isn’t worth your time, buddy!”
9:12-eternity (ok, actually 11:00):
Buzz is officially killed. Sit in an underground room where I get viles of blood drawn from my arm. Then try to pee in a cup requiring 90 ml of urine, only to produce 35 ml, forcing me to process what is called a “partial sample,” which means I have to fill out loads of paperwork, package the urine according to a ridiculously long protocol, and carry around a box with half a cup of pee in it until I can pee some more. I drink a million bottles of water and powerade. Then I fricken come up short again and have to repeat all the paperwork for a 2nd “partial sample.” I drink a million bottles of water and powerade. Finally I manage to pee enough to do the final paperwork and get the hell out of there. The only plus was getting to hang out with Coach Rowland since you can bring an athlete representative. My agent and Molly Huddle were there for a while too. Molly is the bomb, by the way.
11:15-12:00:
Rowland and I meet up with Ian Dobson, Ben True, and Mark Rinker at some crappy Applebees. Those guys were kind enough to not only wait for me to eat dinner, but they picked the crappy Applebees because it was the only place that would be open late enough for me to get some dinner after drug testing. It meant a lot to me that they made sure I didn’t get stuck celebrating by myself in a Taco Bell somewhere. Those are some good men.
12:00-1:00am:
Finally I get ahold of Jesse and I run around the parking lot telling him everything…every emotion, every moment of doubt…all while a lightning storm rolls in and the wind begins howling.
1:00am-1:30am:
Check my email and facebook and get totally overwhelmed with all the kind words from people far and wide.
1:30-3:00am:
Try to sleep, but I can’t because the race is running through my head and I’m buzzing from all the emotions.
3:00-4:00am:
Start freaking out because I have a 6:30am flight and I’m not going to get one single moment of sleep. I have an enormous migraine from all the damn powerade in drug testing, splitting my skull in two pieces.
4:00:
I pop an Excedrin migraine.
4:05:
Migraine recedes from my left eye socket, leaving me with half a migraine and a caffeine buzz. Pouting, I give up on sleep.
4:06-4:30:
Pack my bags in the dark as quietly as possible so as not to wake my roommate. Head down to the lobby an hour early for my shuttle.
4:30-present: you’re looking at it.
I wish I could tell you that this is an abnormal way to celebrate a good race, but it would be a lie. 75% of the time, this is the deal. But if I manage to survive the three flights to Sun Valley Idaho for my friend’s wedding today, I will party my face off. So there you go. Now you know.
Love reading your blog! Congrats on your race!!!
Thanks for the laughs…you’re a great writer, & an even better runner! Congrats on an awesome race-you’re quite an inspiration! 🙂 Hope you can get some sleep, and then celebrate of course!! Continued best of luck with training from a fellow runner who’s hoping to make it in the running world post collegiately! So, as I said, thanks for serving as great inspiration! 🙂
Lauren, you rock like none other! Success, to me, is getting up after you have been knocked down — for daring to try again despite obstacles on the path. For staying the course no matter the cost. You are such an inspiration, young lady. Cheers from little Latvia 🙂
Your win was completely inspiring last night. (I had a great run this morning because of it!) Congratulations! You are awesome. And have a blast in Sun Valley – I lived there for a year and it’s pretty much the most amazing place on the planet. Go party your balls off.
Congratulations! It was such a great race to watch! Thank you for sharing your story – especially the down times recently, which I know might be difficult. All of your fans are now celebrating with you in your victory because they know what you’ve been through. Wishing you the best!
First off, congratulations on an outstanding performance. Your move with 600 to go was amazing! Secondly, your interview and this blog are awesome. I hope recovery and the wedding go well. Congrats!
After that amazing victory last night, thanks for taking the time to share these experience. The race was great for your fans too as we have been following you every step of the way back. Congrats.
Running Times cover, now the 5000 champ. Not a bad month, eh?
You are the bomb! Thanks for keeping it real! You are the only national champ who is willing to show their heart, guts, and balls on live TV and in your blog. Inspiring stuff!
Congrats, Lauren!! I watched the race last night and my heart was pounding out of my chest for you. You’re such an inspiration, especially coming off of such a major injury. The way you’ve picked yourself back up and put yourself out there really says it all about you – you’re a champion. I’m looking forward to seeing all the great things you’re going to do in the future, for your career and for the sport.
Great win and a great read. You teach us more than you know. Thank you.
YAYY LAUREN!!
U rock girl!!! Congrats! Race was a blast to watch.
I loved your post race interview. It was awesome to see such blunt honest emotional comments come from the sheer joy you displayed after a great victory and gutsy race. Good luck w/ the rest of your season. You rock!
Joy. That’s what I feel for you. You’ve come back from heartache after heartache and proven yourself to be amongst the gutsiest of competitors in track and field. Congrats on one of the hardest-fought wins in the history of USATF. Damn, I wish I could have been there. I’m so excited to see what will come out of Europe!
I was so excited watching your race last night; it just reminded me of why I’m such a huge fan of you. Your determination, your dedication, your love for the sport, and your ability to get through the toughest of physical and mental challenges are a huge inspiration to me. I smiled when I saw how you were after the finish, both in exhaustion and elation; that’s the sign of someone who really put her heart into the race. Congratulations; you’ve earned this, and I can’t wait to see what comes next for you.
You’re truly a bad-ass! Congrats!!
I am an instant fan. Your race was pure guts and the post-race interview was brillant! My dad would have beamed at the quote too. It’s perfect! CONGRATS!
Sorry about the migraine…I’m glad I’ve mostly gotten them out of control. (I’m sure you’ve gotten plenty of advice on it, if you want to know what I did and what I took, feel free to email the address on the blog comment. I’d had enough after going blind for 2 weeks a dozen years ago or so.)
That said…awesome race! What a great finish.
I was on the backstretch watching the race and I said to those sitting with me–while Rhines built her big lead–that someone from the pack was going to catch her. They laughed at me. And then you made your move. TERRIFIC, gutsy race! You could have easily settled for 2nd by outkicking the pack but instead you went for the win. Thanks for an exciting race! And congratulations!!
More than proud of you Lauren!
Awesome! Congratulations! What a terrifically well-written blog! Please keep writing these. You are inspiring other runners. Good luck in your next race.
You are absolutely hilarious, and my #1 running inspiration!! Congrats on a great race 🙂
That photo of you is smoking… Will you go out with me and bring those speed goggles? Seriously…
Darn your married… Joking aside congrats on USA’s!! Good luck this year!
Great race! Congrats on the win. But your move in the race didn’t show “balls” for obvious reasons! Guts? Sure. Strong will? Yup. Desire? Check.
But not balls.
Congrats on the win…don’t celebrate to hard 🙂
Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!