I’m moving in 10 days which has prompted me to clean out all my crap.

You have to understand something about me.  If there were no societal pressure to keep a tidy home, I would gladly swim from room to room through piles of my own mess.  I love messiness.  But, alas, one must coexist with other humans.

So I’m what I like to call “fake clean.”  Generally the rooms of my apartment are navigable, but open a dresser drawer, or riffle through my bookcase and…oh Lord.  Pop goes the weasel.

I was packing up one such bookcase when I discovered my old training log from 2005 (actually it flew off the shelf and landed on my lap when I moved an unrelated item on a neighboring shelf).  I had one of those “should I read it?  shouldn’t I?” moments.  I decided to have “just a little peak.”

Mis-take.

The page that opened first happened to include the week of May 15th of 2005.  The same time of year I’m in now: the final push leading up to the National Championships.  Except, during that year, I was apparently running all my training runs in the low 6:00 pace, and doing workouts that were…ahem…intimidatingly impressive.  There were quite a few scribbles about how tired I was every day, and some mentions of tears during workouts, and notes about how miserable my personal life was, but DAMN!  The workouts were impressive.

I couldn’t get myself to look any further. Flashbacks overwhelmed me…

…Feeling misplaced as a graduate living in my old college town.

…Kicking with 700 to go at USA’s to secure 2nd place and a spot at the World Championships in Helsinki, feeling strangely unsatisfied.

…Blowing up the last mile of the 5k at worlds.

…Staying up night after night deciding whether or not to leave Palo Alto and move to Mammoth, afraid of disappointing Coach.

The book went back on the shelf.  This bookcase will clearly be the last thing to get moved.