I have a gremlin that lives in my left calf.  He lives deep down in my marrow, silently hibernating, and every six months or so he decides to eat through my calf toward the surface to get some air.  He’s been hanging out the last two days right near the surface of my skin, on the inside of my little shinny shin shin.  I can feel him if I poke my finger in there, a little lump similar to grizzle on a chicken leg.  Shoving my thumb right on his belly, I wince with discomfort while flexing and pointing my foot to try to dislodge him.  Still, he hangs on tight.  He must have those little webs that come out of his hands, you know, the ones that spiderman uses to fly between the buildings of New York City, and the gremlin attaches those sinewy threads to all the neighboring muscles and tendons.

I called in the gremlin exterminator today; Lance prefers to call himself a body worker but for this specific task, I had to rename him.  He worked his strong fingers into the tissue, mashing the gremlins head until it popped off.  He raked through the sinew, breaking the strong webs.  I tried not to hold my breath, telling myself to release my shoulders from up next to my ears…relax into the pain.

If the gremlin didn’t die a horrible death, he was at least left badly bruised and wheezing for his final few breaths.  He won’t be long for this world.